


Surprise

by higayimdad



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band), TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Flirty Choi Yeonjun, Fluff, Happy Ending, Inspired by Poetry, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Shy Choi Soobin, Surprises, To Be Edited, We Die Like Men, cocky Choi Yeonjun, oblivous dumb boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:01:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22259902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/higayimdad/pseuds/higayimdad
Summary: Soobin despised surprises, he really did. He wasn’t sure when it started, maybe it was after that one time when he was 5 and he got so overwhelmed by everyone in his kindergarten singing for him on his birthday he started crying. Or maybe it was because he grew up with 3 older siblings who found great comedy in fidning new ways to scare the youngest as a kid. Perhaps it was because the incredible uncertainty of surprises.This was of course until the surprise of Yeonjun entered his life, causing Soobin to leave the comfortable bubble of his.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 41
Kudos: 369





	1. Curiosity killed the cat, but?

**Author's Note:**

> Once it’s completely finished I will go through it and edit. Before that, please bare with me and my poor grammar and spelling lol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oop oop I was really inspired to write this cause I was sappy and read through lots of poems and such so my fingers itched to just write it down before I load it. I haven't read this through and it's past midnight, but we fear nothing in this household. I also thought I would just do a one shot but then I got to invested and now I'm making a whole thing.

Soobin despised surprises, he really did. He wasn’t sure when it started, maybe it was after that one time when he was 5 and he got so overwhelmed by everyone in his kindergarten singing for him on his birthday he started crying. Or maybe it was because he grew up with 3 older siblings who found great comedy in fidning new ways to scare the youngest as a kid. Perhaps it was because the incredible uncertainty of surprises. Soobin hated uncertainty, if he knew what would be happen, it was easier to figure out the exact process of avoiding all problems that could occur. So yeah, Soobin hated surprises. 

That was maybe the reason he liked working at the almost bankrupt 7/11 at the corner of his block. There was never much action or surprises. He always had a cup of black coffee and a fresh donut ready for that old man who came in everyday at 10 PM, always arriving right on time. He always greeted the lady who came in 5 minutes after opening every Sunday, she used to bring books every so often for him to read. The 7/11 was always the same and the routine Soobin had projected onto himself was set in stone. Just as much as he hated surprises, he hated changes.

So after he had waved the old man off with his coffee at 10 PM he started to prepare the store for closing, cursing silently at the time for moving so slow. Just as he did everyday, and when he was done with that he sat down on the squeaky chair behind the register and opened up the book the lady had brought him this previous Sunday. _“Thank you Minhee-nim. I’ll get right into reading it.”_ And he bowed just as deep that time as he did every time she brought a book. This time it was Ernest Hemmingway, as Soobin had mentioned he wanted to practice English. 

He flipped through the pages of the book, often rereading a whole page to completely understand it. Out loud he read _“But I go with you. As long as there is one of us. There is both of us. Do you understand?”_

The ticking of the clock above him got painfully louder as the time went by, reminding him of how far closing actually was. Once every now and again he looked out on the street, observing what was so close but still so far away. There wasn’t a lot of people out, of course it was almost 12 PM on a Wednesday in this neighboorhood. Which mostly housed elders or students. 

He closed his eyes slightly, listening to whatever slow song was playing on the speakers at the moment. Thinking of the way Hemmingway wrote the words, it was quite beautiful. Soobin had found passion in poems or lines written with grace, those things that engrvaed themselves in his mind. So much he had a notebook at home, where he wrote everything he found simply to beautiful or thoughtful to forget. He added a mental note to himself to write that one down too. 

The violent and sudden ringing of the bell above the door shook Soobin back to reality. A rush of panic washing over him at the unexpected sound. A boy, not older than Soobin stood in the treshhold, before stepping inside and slamming the door back shut. Fumbling around the lock trying to lock the door. 

_What is happening who is he what is he doing is he planning on robbing me or killing me or perhaps he is on drugs if he is on drugs should I call the police? Well if he is robbing me or killing me I should call the police nevertheless. Wait why is locking the door he can’t do that oh god did he even see me? Oh fuck I’m kinda sweating right now and it’s very hot in here and wow should my heart beat so fast is that healthy could I die from this and if I die is that guy responsible._

“Hey!” The boy shouted and ran up to Soobin and then behind the counter. Making himself small and curling up with his back against the counter, just besides Soobin’s legs. And he didn’t even have time to react before another 3 men pushed the door open, a bit more out of breath but clearly in some way connected to the one hiding right next to Soobin. 

Anxiety and panic started to rise within Soobin, making his hands tremble just the slightest. He closed the book and stared at the men at the door. _Fuck I hate surprises._

“Hi-hi can I help you?” Soobin raised his voice a bit and tried to flash a toothy smile. His eyes wandered up and down the men and spotted the bloody and cracked knuckles on one of them, the slight cut of the lip and forming bruises on the one next to him and the broken star tattoo on the third one. Yet the smile stayed on Soobin, hoping they wouldn’t understand how close to breaking he actually was. The three men didn’t move from the door but just eyed the small store a bit. Then they nodded to each other and left, the tallest one. Bearing the star tattoo, mumbling a low “No sorry to disturb you.”

Once they left and Soobin waited a few seconds, he glanced at the boy by his feet. Who had his head between his knees and fingers in his ears. The trail of blood from his own knuckles down into the hem of his shirt was noticeble now. Soobin walked up to the door and used his own keys to lock it. 

“Tell me what’s going on or I’ll call the police.”

The boy beneath him removed the fingers slowly, adjusting his ears to the enviorment. The he turned his head up towards Soobin. He had the eyes of his whites bloodshot, pupils dilated in fear and irises a burning umber colour. Crimson blood had dried in a streak from his nose. Hair spaceblue, faded at the tips and black at the roots. Facinatingly beautiful. 

“I-” The boy let out weakly, words stuck in his throat. 

Soobin rushed to get the first aid kit in the back room, and then proceeding to crouch down opposite of the boy; who tried to retreat even further back if the counter didn’t stop him. “It’s fine” Soobin whispered, “don’t be scared.” he shushed him, “let me just do this.” and this time the toothy smile on Soobin’s face which caused the upper lip to thin out was more sincere; a superpower Soobin had which calmed the most raging storms. He begun at the hands, dabbing pads soaked in alcohol directly at the wounds. Making the blue haired one wince in pain. Then he moved up the face, inspecting if anything else than the nose was hurt. Cradling the others face in his hands. 

“What’s your name?” 

“Yeonjun, Choi. Choi Yeonjun.” He stuttered around the words. Lips pouting as he spoke, a soft peach color on his lips. The voice was as silver came pouring from his mouth. Smooth and shiny, causing Soobins heart to skip a beat. 

“Choi Soobin.” he tried his best to read the expression on the others face. “You wanna tell me what happened or should we ignore that they would’ve killed you if they caught you.”

“Guess that would’ve happened. But you were here, so yeah. It doesn’t matter.” 

He stood up, leaving Soobin on the floor; Yeonjun brushed his clothes off, the doc martens on his feet were dusty and the black jeans shabby, starting to rip at the knees. He looked quite just as the stereotype of a delinquent, or an idiot who runs into a 7/11 at 11 PM almost beaten up by gang members. Yeonjun reached out his hand for Soobin to grab and stand up, which he gladly took. And though the other tried to hide how shocked he was at how big Soobin’s hands looked around his own and how much taller he was properly standing up; Soobin didn’t mention it. 

“Well, thank you for patching me up, I’ll guess I’ll head out now.” The blue haired pointed at the door. And turned his heel to walk towards it. 

“Wai-wait! What if they’re out there waiting. You could stay until…” Soobin glanced at the clock which hourhands showed 11:24 PM. “Until I close in 30 minutes.” Something inside him wanted the other to stay, and it wasn’t entierly from fearing the others safety. 

A somewhat cocky smile formed on the others face at the words of slight desperation disguised as helpfulness came from Soobin. The tint of pink forming on Soobin’s cheeks was enough to spark a joyful expression from the other, even more so than the cocky one he just bore. Eyebrows shooting upwards and eyes glimmering with something unreadable. 

Yeonjun continued to walk to the door, but stopped to take a lollipop the same colour as his hair from a shelf. Once again turning around so he’s facing Soobin, taking careful steps towards the door; before tapping the lock twce with his fingers as he unwrapped the lollipop with his teeth. Signaling that he needed Soobin to unlock the door. 

As Soobin’s fingerers twisted the key around the door, Yeonjun standing just a bit to close he wondered if it was appropiate to speak, say anything.

“There.” Soobin whispered a bit tight, nervousness spreading inside him. 

“Thank you babe,” The voice was smoky almost, carrying so much more than what was said. Yeonjun popped the lollipop in his mouth, shooting it to his left cheek before pushing the door open with his back. “maybe I’ll see you around.” 

It was an unspoken promise from Yeonjun. 

And the door shut with a ring again, leaving Soobin in the deserted store, wondering how the space haired boy could have turned from someone so small and afraid to so bratty and full of confidence in a matter of minutes. Wondering how the other somehow didn’t leave Soobin sweaty and nervous like he always got around new people. 

He went home that night and sat by his desk, only lit up by the moon outside. He turned page after page reading the different lines and poems he had written down during the years. One caught his eyes. _“Tell me - which is more correct?_ _An answer that perfectly describes the outcome or situation, or an un-examined answer which breeds progress and new thoughts?”_

Soobin did indeed hate surprises. 

Soobin always believed that curiosity killed the cat.

But maybe the surprise he was left with tonight was an exception. And maybe curiosity wasn’t as evil as it seemed. And by the way, a cat has nine lives doesn’t it? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't fear, the others will be here soon. I just wanted to introduce Soobin and Yeonjun slightly first.
> 
> Here is the link to the poem at the end: https://allpoetry.com/poem/14747602-Tell-me---which-is-more-correct--by-Shahaf-Yefet  
> There will probably be lots of poems in this so brace yourself. I will try to update as often I can.


	2. Blue raspberry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeonjun was unpredictable, but Soobin started to like it. The uncertainty, the surprises, Yeonjun.

Yeonjun became quite the frequent customer, if that was what you would call it. Sometimes he just came inside to shield himself from the weather for 2 minutes and talked with Soobin in the meantime, sometimes he simply used the bathroom without even acknowledging the other. And sometimes he even sat on the chair behind the counter and waited with Soobin until closing, listening to other rant about school, friends, the book he is reading or just about everything. Never really talking himself. Often he would pocket one or two of the blue lollipops from the shelf, smiling at Soobin; both silently making sure he was okay with it but also to see if Soobin would do anything about it. He was unpredictable to say the least, there wasn’t a time when Soobin knew Yeonjun would show up, he just did when he felt like it.

But Soobin wasn’t bothered by it, like he expected himself to be. Instead he just waited each day hoping for the exciting and unpredictable boy to come and brighten his day with charmful jokes and dopey smile. And sometimes he did, sometimes he didn’t. He couldn’t figure out the others patterns even if he tried his hardest. 

The pen Soobin held in his hand hovered above the notebook, thinking for a second before letting the tip hit the paper, writing the words he had on his mind. 

_“Let me remind you._

_You are my universe._

_Bewitched by your beauty._

_Enchanted by your mystery.”_

Though it wasn’t just words on his mind. It was Yeonjun, Yeonjun, Yeonjun. His mind was on the boy with strong build, toned legs and confident smile. The blue hair which Soobin wanted to run his hands through. The smooth skin of his face and the softlooking lips, always pouting out when he spoke. Umber eyes staring into Soobin’s own dark. The clothes he wore, which looked straight from a runaway however he wore them. If it was the clothes he didn’t know, maybe it was just Yeonjun. Just Yeonjun, Yeonjun, Yeonjun. 

The timer on his phone dinged as the pen once again lifted from the paper, Soobin waiting for a few seconds before closing the notebook; letting the ink to comepletely dry. It was a reminder from his phone, it was time to close; and Yoenjun didn’t show today. The mystery of the blue haired ond Soobin found himself so interested in. Soobin turned the lights off and took one of the lollipops. _Blue raspberry_ he read out loud from the label before placing it the pocket of his sweats. 

“Ah Soobin-ah!” Yeonjun pulled the door open, out of breath.

“Yeonjun-hyung. I was about to close.” 

“I was here before and the old dude told me you were in later, but I forgot.”

“It’s fine.” Soobin smiled slightly, just letting the corners of his mouth curl upwards for a second. 

“I just wanted to say hi.” He said it like it was nothing, like he probably hadn’t run all the way over here to catch Soobin before he left. 

Soobin shook his head, making his hair fall down over his eyes. He let a small chuckle escape his lips. 

“Hi then.”

“Hi.” Yeonjun finally stepped inside properly. resting against the wall, breathing loudly through his nose. 

“I really have to close though, but if you want you could just follow me back home, I only have one class tomorrow.” It was bold of Soobin to even suggest it.

“Already inviting me home? I would’ve expected a date first.”

Yeonjun laughed at himself and then stepped outside and waited for Soobin to do the same. 

They walked towards Soobin’s apartment, quiet just as the night surronding them. It wasn’t a long walk, two minutes maybe. It wasn’t enough for Soobin, he craved more. Yeonjun took the iniative to wrap his arm around the tallers shoulders, using his other hand to pinch Soobin’s cheeks at something he said. Smiling so big the umber eyes disappeared. 

The apartment belonged to Soobin’s grandmother a long time ago, which he had the luxuary of heriting when moving (causing havoc at home, since none of his siblings had gotten the offer) to university, but the 2 bedroom and big apartment was too lonely, even for Soobin who loved being alone. And it dawned on him when they stood in the elevator up that he hadn’t briefed Yeonjun of the roommate he had. And when they stood in front of the door while Soobin searched for the keys it became apparant. There wasn’t just one, but two loud voices coming from inside. Startling Yeonjun, who widened his eyes at the noise. 

“I forgot to say I have a roommate, maybe he’s with a friend. Is it okay?”

“Yeah, just got a bit surprised.” 

Soobin opened the door, which was unlocked. The two boys met with a scene, quite, strange. The livingroom, which they entered as soon as they came inside the door; had cards lying spread out on the floor. Thrown in all directions. On the floor, besides the table that had been pushed to the side there were two younger boys on the floor. One keeping his hands loosely and playfully around the others throat. “You fucking cheater.” The one on top screamed, his hair was hazel and figure small, engulfed in large sweatpants and hoodie. The one below simply laughed and kept his hands tightly around the wrists that was on his throat. He had fair skin and long hair, grown well past his ears. 

Both of them stopped mid _strangling_ to see who came. And immeadiatly jumped off each other, almost flying into opposite directions. 

“Yeonjun, this is my roommate Taehyun,” Soobin pointed to the one who was on top, he had large facial features. Mouth now slightly open in surprise. “And that's our friend, Huening Kai.” And the finger now pointed to the other one, still smiling but clearly a bit panicked. 

“Taehyun, Kai, this is Yeonjun. My,” _Friend? Are we friends?_ “my yeah. We’ll go to my room.” 

Soobin laid his hand on the bottom of Yeonjun’s back to shoo him into Soobin’s own room. Ignoring Taehyun’s _“Hey I want to meet him properly if he’s a potential boy-”_ which ended in muffling, probably caused by Kai jumping back on him to stop him from talking to much. 

“Sorry about them, they have a weird relationship.” Soobin mumbled as he brought differnt books and the notebook from his backpack, placing them on the nighstand. Yeonjun just nodded and then pressed his hand down the matress on the bed once, trying it out. “soft.” he whispered to no one in particular before throwing himself on the bed, spreading out like a starfish. “I’m going to stay here forever Soobin-ah, you’re never getting rid of me now.” 

Yeonjun who laid on his stomach was carefully pushed to the side of the bed by Soobin, who simply scooted over next to him. Lying down on his back, grabbing the remote to the TV hanging on the wall opposite of his bed. He flipped through the different movies on netflix. After what could’ve been 1 hour of searching he simply clicked the first one he found mildly interesting, a comedy he thinks. Then he glanced at time on his phone, 00:33 AM. “Don’t take this wrong, but, do you want to stay the night?” Soobin’s hands were sweating so much he had to wipe them on his pants. His mouth ran dry and he stared at the elder who stared right back. Piercing his soul. “Yeah, that would be nice. But only if I get the bed.” 

Like he noticed he had started doing, Soobin shook his head and let out a small “tsk” sound with his mouth. Then he stood up and looked through his drawers for clothes the other could wear, ending up with a pair of shorts and a big black shirt, even too big for Soobin. The older gladly accepted them and immeadiatly started undressing, removing the loose bungarees, making the younger blush violently at the sudden skin. Soobin turned around and started to dress himself too, ignoring how he could feel that burning umber leave marks on his bare back for the 5 seconds it took him to get into a hoodie of his own. 

The lollipop Soobin forgot about made itself known again when Soobin changed pants, he held it tightly in his fist. And when he turned around to face the older, a blush had tainted the blue haired ones ears. The room, which was only lit up by a weak lamp in the window felt to stuffed for Soobin. Yeonjun looked at Soobin like there was no one else in the world, head tilted back and eyes hooded with something _unpredictable._

Confidence Soobin didn’t know he had, and would definetly not show unless they were in this exact situation, made him hold the lollipop right in front of his own face. Making sure Yeonjun saw it. The elder took this as an invitation to walk around the bed and up to the younger, who trembled at the stare he recieved. 

Yeonjun’s hands were delicate as a flower, maybe even more so. One wrapped around Soobin’s own hand, and the other unwrapping the lollipop. Carefully. Never breaking the eye contact, umber eyes meeting chocolate. When the candy was fully unwrapped he moved Soobin’s hand so that the older could wrap his lips around the round ball. Slowly. Once in, then out. Then he moved the hand away from himself and towards Soobin’s mouth, who obediently opened up for the candy. _Blue raspberry._ The taste spread across his tounge and through his body, it wasn’t just blue raspberry though, it was Yeonjun too. It was, to say the least a surprise Soobin didn’t hate. 

“Let’s watch the movie.” it was soft coming from Yeonjun, whose eyes turned big and glimmered in the dark room. Soobin only nodded and laid down on the bed, with Yeonjun. Moving underneath the covers. One arm around Yeonjun’s shoulders, keeping him close. 

Yeonjun’s roamed, they moved from gently rubbing the fabric of Soobin’s shirt on his stomach to touching the skin on Soobin’s chin, then the stick of the lollipop still in his mouth. As Yeonjun moved around, and laid his head on Soobin’s chest, in a final comfortable position, the hand found the lobe of the youngers ear, it was soft like dough. And with something that couldn’t be anything else than security and comfort the older fell asleep. Soobin not shortly after that, the lollipop thrown (successfully, a first) into the trashcan from Soobin’s bed. Both tangling into each other, limbs finding their way around each other and hearts beating in synch. 

“ _Then he touched my side and locked my heart so softly that I hardly felt the key”_

A layer of blue raspberry still coated Soobin’s tounge as he woke up the morning after, as a trail of what had happened. But there was no one but Soobin. The bed cold and lonely without someone to hold. Yeonjun wasn’t in the bathroom either or anywhere in the apartment at all. But as the time went on and from the sympathetic _“aw he left”_ from Taehyun. Soobin just accepted the other had gone home without wanting to wake him up. Nervous perhaps, unsure when they were going to meet again, considering the olders habit of visiting the store, or Soobin when he pleased. 

It wasn’t too long. Longer than Soobin had hoped maybe, but not too long. It was Sunday, three days had passed without even a glimpse of the other. 

So, too Soobin’s big surprise Yeonjun showed up, pulling the door open a bit aggresively. Baggy jeans shoved into the martens and t-shirt hugging his figure underneath the jacket. Walking promptly up to the counter, placing a blue lollipop on the counter, even if he knew Yeonjun could take all of them practically for free at this point. 

“Uh, that will be 250 won. Would you like something else?” 

“Yes! I would like another movie night.” His voice was filled with ecstacy and that incredibly sexy confindence. 

Soobin’s mouth formed into a ‘o’ and he had a hard time figuring out what to really say. 

“We-we could do that yes.” 

“Great, here is my number,” Yeonjun pushed a folded piece of paper towards Soobin, already prepared. Like he had practiced. “and,” the older swung his head around, making sure they were alone. “here!” he said before grabbing his cheeks to give a quick peck on the youngers lips. A surprise like no other. It wasn’t the first kiss Soobin had imagined, maybe better, more unexpected, something he didn’t know he needed.

Yeonjun let go of Soobin, grabbed the lollipop and almost ran out the store, before the blush crept up on him and exposed the confident facade the older had. “Talk to you later then.” He waved the younger off and Soobin could clearly see the blue hair bouncing on the olders head as he ran across the street and off into the distance. 

Something lingered on his lips. 

Blue raspberry. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taehyun and Kai officially introduced, very brief but yeah. I have plans for Beomgyu in the next chap I think? Anyways I hope you liked this one too!! I kinda did like this chapter, and I have some ideas for the future of this fic. I know the chapters are fairly short, and that is because I want to update often. 
> 
> 1st poem: https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3195124/universe/  
> 2nd "poem" is an extract from the poetical work "Romance of the rose/Roman de la Rose" by Guillaume de Lorris
> 
> Kudos and comments always appreciated! <3 Please point out obvious grammatical/spelling mistakes, I don't proofread lol.


	3. Oh you beautiful cage, please let me out

Soobin still found it near impossible to figure out the older. In the following weeks their meetings became more frequent, the older showing up almost every day at the 7/11. He had asked for Soobin’s schedule, so he didn’t have to guess when he was working. They liked each others presence, even if they said nothing. Soobin did prefer it that way. Piece by piece he got to know the older one, peeling the layers of the endless metaphorical onion. How he was an only child, moved away from home at 18, he also lived with a roommate, loved fashion and loved art, whether it was dance or singing, even poems. Still there was much of the older that he had no idea about. The boy loved to talk, but not about himself as much as you would think. 

The younger simply cherished whatever time they spent together. He loved that Yeonjun was clingy and liked touching, even if it wasn’t sexual at all. It could be a quick back hug, a simple touch to the face, taking the initiative to hold hands or brush Soobin’s cheeks. The older loved staying with Soobin, sleeping in his bed and drawing patterns into his skin with his fingers, feeding the other food whenever he got the chance, stealing small kisses when Soobin expected it the least. It wasn’t much more than that. 

Yeonjun was unpredictable, Soobin should’ve understood this the moment he saw the older for the first time; falling into his store chased by god knows what kind of criminals, he should’ve understood that when he stole Soobin’s first kiss like it was nothing. He should’ve understood that when Yeonjun left the youngers bed one morning with a “ _You are really something Soobin.”_ bearing a tired but fond smile, reaching up to his eyes; before going awol. 

For the first time in the almost 2 months they had known each other, Soobin had no clue on where the other was or when he was coming back. First it was one day away with no texts. Then he didn’t show up at work the day after that like Soobin hoped, and then there was silence. Nothing from the other. 

Once again Soobin was reminded why he hated surprises so much, sometimes they are instant and scary, they caught you out of nowhere. Sometimes surprises are slow though, they are disappointing and they leave you hanging with hope for days before the surprise hits you completely. And Soobin wanted to _hate_ the older blue haired boy because he left Soobin without an explanation, but he couldn’t. Because, even if he wouldn’t tell it to Yeonjun just yet; or ever, he did love the other. 

Yeonjun. A surprise he both hated and loved. 

“You haven’t heard from him yet?” Taehyun talked with food in his mouth, waving the chopsticks around. 

“No. I tried calling a few times, but there is no point.” Soobin had a hard time looking his roomate in the eyes, but the other was serious.

“I know you like him, I mean we do too,” Hueningkai raised his hands with his palms facing Soobin. “but that is kinda shitty of him. He didn’t seem the type.” 

Yeonjun wasn’t the type, at all. Yes, maybe Soobin should’ve understood that starting _something_ with someone like Yeonjun. Who loved to create new rules for himself, be himself, do what he wants; but he wasn’t the type to just drop Soobin, like he was nothing. 

“I guess he was the type, he didn’t even say goodbye to me.” 

“That’s it, I’ll beat his ass.” Taehyun slammed his hands on the table, making the glasses shake. 

“You are like 150 cm tall, he would have you pinned down in 3 seconds.”

A somewhat extravagassed gasp escaped Taehyun, leaving his mouth gaping and eyes blinking for a few seconds. 

“Uhm, first of all I’m 178,” 

_“That’s pushing it.”_ Heuningkai whispered

“Secondly I have beaten Kai endless times and he’s almost as tall as you so height won’t matter because I’m easy the strongest one out of us.” 

He pointed around the room towards them. And with a _whatever_ Soobin just left the table once he was finished, not even bothering stealing the leftover food from the two younger friends like he used to. 

Soobin picked up his backpack which stood ready by the door, he told the younger ones he had a picked up an extra shift and would be back later tonight.

The two friends had known Soobin for most of their high school and university life, staying friends when the older was the first one to leave and then when they followed him to the same university. Taehyun even moving in with the older to make sure he didn’t die by himself. Soobin knew that both of them, especially Taehyun, could get whatever friends he wanted, he was cheerful and funny to be around. But they stayed with Soobin. He loved them for that, he truly did. But it was hard seeing them pitying him so much, embarrassing even. 

As he said walked on the sidewalk towards the 7/11 he spotted someone, on the other side of the road just standing there. Doing nothing in particular. He looked young, Soobin age, younger even. Observing the vacant corner store from the alley, it was creepy to say the least. But it wasn’t just a hobo, a drug dealer or just someone waiting. He looked out of place. Wearing what looked like an expensive coat, standing stiffly as Soobin caught his attention. 

Soobin was good at ignoring, so that was what he did. Just ignored and entered the store, letting the new girl that was even younger than Soobin leave and go home. And as soon as she did and the amount of customers decreased by the hour Soobin started with his homework, then he flipped through the notebook once, then he picked up the new book the lady had given him the previous weekend. He had taken on the challenge of reading Dracula this time, not what he usually did; but Minhee, the old lady, had suggested it. 

_“There are darknesses in life and there are lights, and you are one of the lights, the light of all lights.”_

He hated how the line reminded him of what it reminded him of. Even if the context was completely different. 

The boy so immersed in his own thoughts hadn't noticed the bell ringing or a customer entering the store, not until a blue lollipop was placed on the counter. 

_Yeonjun?_

It wasn’t Yeonjun. It was the boy who stood out on the street, and probably had been for a while. His blond hair was so natural Soobin had to take a second look to make sureit wasn’t real. _No that’s definitely his roots growing out_. He had a serious expression, not even pretending to look amused or happy. The corners of his mouth set in what could’ve been a permanent frown. It was maybe an ounce of eye shadow Soobin spotted around his eyes, making them rounder and darker. The suit he wore underneath the white coat was grey and it didn’t look like someone his age would wear something like this.

“That would be 250 won. Something else?” Soobin closed the book and smiled faintly, trying to hide that his heart was beating uncomfortably fast. 

_“_ I need you to follow me _”_ The frown still intact on his face. And the stern voice lingered with something else too, a dialect. 

“Sorr-sorry?”

“I need you to come with me, it is about Yeonjun.” 

It dawned on Soobin, this wasn’t just a random customer who obviously walked into the wrong 7/11 in the wrong neighbourhood. It was Beomgyu, Yeonjun’s roommate. Soobin thought the older had talked more about his roommate than himself. 

The dialect made sense, Beomgyu was from Daegu. The clothes made sense, he came from a wealthy family. The expression and tone of talking made sense. _“I thought he was shyer than you when I met him for the first time, he barely talked. When he did he tried to put on some facade that he was tough I think. But let me tell you. two days and he was a chatterbox I couldn’t close.”_ Soobin remember the words like Yeonjun stood next to him saying it right now. 

“How is he?” His fingers found a pencil on the counter, which he nervously played with.

“I can’t explain really, can you come with me.” It wasn’t as much as a question that Beomgyu probably tried to make it sound like. 

It wasn’t near closing at all. In fact it was almost 4 hours left. He wasn’t very intrigued by walking away with a stranger and meeting Yeonjun. 

“I close at 12, come-come back then.”

Maybe the boy before him wasn’t used to people telling him no in this way, and maybe he was angry at Soobin for not complying. He slammed a 500 won coin on the counter and mumbled a “ _keep the change_.” Once at the door he looked at Soobin. 

“I’ll be outside at 12, sharp. Be there.” 

Soobin isn’t one to really provoke or play with the rules. If Yeonjun had been here with Soobin he would have whispered a “we should be late to make him irritated.” But Yeonjun wasn’t here, so the boy did indeed stand outside the closed store at 12, sharp. Waiting as a black car pulled up in front of him, so shiny he could see himself like it was a mirror. Inside Beomgyu sat, in the backseat waiting for the older tho seat himself.

“I have to apologize, for being rude in there. My name is-”

“Beomgyu. It’s okay, Yeonjun-hyung talks about you a lot.” 

The blonde was surprised maybe, finally letting the frown disappear even for a second. As they rode on the empty streets in the city the ride remained quiet. Soobin keeping his eyes on the road and hands grasping his phone. Ready to call 911 or his friends if it would turn out he was kidnapped instead. 

“Does he talk about himself a lot? Yeonjun.”

“Barely at all.” Soobin still stared out the window, afraid to meet the blondes eyes. 

Beomgyu cleared his throat, preparing himself. Then he begun telling Soobin about Yeonjun. 

“He was born in Seongnam, lived there with his parents for a while. Move to America when he was a kid, stayed there. When they came back, I think his relationship with his parents whitered a bit. He started to isolate himself from them, when he came to Seoul properly at 18 I don’t even think he missed them. He wanted to be a dancer and singer, if you don’t know. Damn good at it too, but he put himself in way to much trouble.” Beomgyu sighed. “Before moving in with me I think he did just about anything to get money and to have somewhere to stay. Way too prideful to move back home or ask his parents for allowance. He haven’t even told me what he did exactly, I'd be surprised if he ever told anyone. He definitely had it good for a while too though, started university last year. Just after moving in with me” A crack in Beomgyu’s voice made Soobin switch his attention fully on him. 

“He’s been doing good in school, but now he’s falling behind. He’s tired all the time, I don’t know what’s wrong with him. He chases trouble where he can find it, like he has nothing to lose. He's falling back into old habits.”

And as Beomgyu finished they arrived outside a large building, much newer and more expensive than the one Soobin lived in. The ride up was awkward, Soobin felt bad for so suddenly knowing so much about Yeonjun without even Yeonjun being the one to tell it. 

They entered the apartment, which was twice as large as Soobin’s and newly renovated. He followed in the younger blonds footsteps as they walked through it, Soobin felt out of place. The slacks and t-shirt he wore didn’t feel fancy enough to be worn inside here. Beomgyu knocked on the cedar door before them, causing a “leave me alone.” to erupt from the inside. 

“Soobin-hyung is here.”

Utter silence, not even breathing could be heard. 

Then, bare feet on hardwood floor echoed as the footsteps came close to the door. Yeonjun opening a mere few centimeters, to see if Beomgyu was telling the truth maybe. The umber eyes was truly not burning with passion, the fire had died. The bags underneath his eyes prominent and lower lip trembling at the sight of Soobin. 

“Hi. I brought something.” Soobin picked a blue lollipop from his jacket. Suddenly shy and embarrassed at what he had done. 

“Stupid.” It was endearing coming from Yeonjun. 

He let Soobin in, giving him a somewhat side hug. Beomgyu was left with the evil eye form Yeonjun. Once the door closed behind them and they were alone. Soobin didn’t hesitate to embrace the older. Slipping his arms around his waist and hugging tightly. The older groaned when Soobin touched the side of his body, by his ribs. Startling Soobin, wondering if he hurt him. 

But the two or three yellow bruises on the blue haired arms and the split of his lips made it clear it wasn’t Soobin. Beomgyu was literal when he said the older was searching for trouble. Soobin brushed over the skin of the elder, causing a wince to escape from his mouth. 

“I- the bruises,” Yeonjun started a sentence without knowing how to end it. 

“It’s fine, don’t explain if you don’t feel like it.” The younger brushed the blue hair out of the others face. They shared a long look, eyes meeting each other and never leaving. A pair of big hands on the older ones face. Cupping his cheeks. 

“I’m sorry Soobin. For just, leaving you know?” The olders eyes shifted around the room, breaking their eye contact. 

“Stop apologizing, I promise it’s fine. I’m here now aren’t I?” 

“Yeah you are.” 

Yeonjun nudged Soobin forward, showing that he wanted a hug without having to initiate it. It was unusual seeing the other being so shy about wanting affection. It was always Yeonjun, coming from behind to squish the younger, the older shamelessly sliding a hand up his leg to make him blush, crumble at the attention. 

Now it was Yeonjun, silently begging for it. And Soobin couldn’t say no. He linked his arms around the shorter ones neck and pulled him in. Filling his lungs with his scent, somewhat a mix of wood and citrus. Yeonjun’s breath was hot against the skin on Soobin’s neck, and it wasn’t long until he felt something nibbling at his earlobe and a breathy “ _soobinie_ ” followed shortly after that. Intoxicating was what it was. Soobin had fallen so hard for someone, which in truth had no certainty of sticking around. But it was worth it, because Yeonjun was always that one surprise Soobin could accept. Because he had learned that this surprise wasn’t all that bad, sometimes it was a surprise kiss here or there, and Soobin couldn’t complain about that. 

Yeonjun’s lips chased after Soobin’s, following the line of his jaw and then finally landing on the others. Soft againts each other. 

The bed in the corner of the room looked annoyingly inviting, Soobin pushing Yeonjun backwards until Yeonjun’s calves hit the bed with a light thump. 

“You should sleep.” Soobin whispered. 

“If you sleep next to me.”

A nod emerged from the younger, who already begun undressing. Getting out of the uncomfortable jeans. As Soobin laid down on his back in the bed Yeonjun wiggled in between his legs. Resting his back against the youngers front. Hands wrapping themselves with each other. Skin against skin.

“Sorry for going like ia on you, it’s just me I guess. I always do shit like this” 

“You remind me of something.”

“What?” 

Soobin mumbled a low “ _wait”_ before escaping the embrace, walking to his backpack and picking up the notebook, clothed in black leather. He walked back to the bed, flipping through the pages, lying back down; eyes glued to the papers. 

“What Soobin?” 

_“_ _You call yourself a free spirit, a “wild thing,” and you’re terrified somebody’s gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you’re already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it’s not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It’s wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.”_

Yeonjun quieted down as he read the words, inked out on the page in Soobin’s messy handwriting. The eyes shifted around the sentences over and over again, fingers shaking around the fair page. Soobin couldn’t see Yeonjun’s face, but he felt it. Troubled was maybe one word, realization another. Soobin took the book and closed it, placed it on the floor next to the bed. 

They switched around in the bed, bodies pressed tight into each other. Soobin with his arms around Yeonjun’s waist, feeling the not so hidden abs on his stomach. Yeonjun just breathed, heavy and with something lingering in his throat. Maybe he wanted to tell the younger that he liked him, a lot. Maybe even loved him, but he couldn’t. They never said goodnight, but the heavy breathing of the younger one indicated that he had fallen asleep. Leaving Yeonjun to stare out the window wide awake, feeling his heart ache. 

He was afraid, maybe the other wouldn’t reciprocate the feeling, maybe the other wouldn’t be able to handle Yeonjun and his ways of living. The sheer sheer uncertainty that Yeonjun was. Even if there was something Yeonjun was certain about, he wasn’t sure whether to say it or not. The devil on his shoulder telling him no, telling him just run, leave him. _You don’t deserve him, he cares to much. Don’t you see? He came all the way here and you can’t even say thank you. You’ll crush him. You are going to leave and he will hate you and then you’ll be all alone._

Yeonjun was truly in a cage, and he couldn’t get out on his own. He wanted someones help, Soobin’s help. Why?

Well he would never admit it, but he was certain of something. And that was that he was in love with the boy. And the boy made him want to stop running. Make him stay, let him love. 

Soobin made him feel so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you remember when I said I knew where this was going? I don't, I literally have like 3 options of how I want this story to end but I don't know which one to choose. I can also decide to make it really angsty, and it's lowkey kinda tempting. This chapter is a bit longer than the previous 2 lol, but whatever. I'll be back soon with an update.
> 
> The last "poem" (it's not a poem but idk what to call it) is an extract from the novel Breakfast at Tiffany's by Truman Capote


	4. Goodnight moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha what if i completely mixed some fluffy domestic stuff with light angst. haha I would never do that. Unless?

Sleep never came easily to him. A few hours of staring at the ceiling and another tossing and turning would sometimes end with his eyes shutting in exhaustion. As a child his mother would stroke his hair, keeping his head safely in her lap. She would tell her about everything about the past, the present and the future. It would calm his stressed heart and make him fall asleep in seconds, listening to the way her honey voice carried themselves with confidence and calm like no other. It still echoed in his head, years later. Even if he hadn’t seen her in years, barely remembered her face or knew what she sounded like. It echoed. 

“ _ Shh, it’s okay. Let’s say goodnight to the moon, he was here yesterday, he’s here today and will be here tomorrow too. Okay?” _

_ “Goodnight moon,” _

_ “Goodnight Yeonjun.” _

Then she would kiss his hair, letting the peachy lips put him under a spell, causing him to fall asleep instantly.  __

Now as the moon stared at him with an open eye from outside he chased his mother’s voice, longing after the feeling of falling asleep like it was nothing. But he just stared at the moon as it said goodbye and let the sun creep into the window. Turning the sky from a deep blue color at dawn to the orange one of a new morning. Even if the dread of his body and weight of his heart tried to drag him back into bed he put his feet to the cold floor and stood up. Leaving the younger boy in bed, the morning still arriving. 

Yeonjun walked up to the window and watched as the birds were waking up, the streets below him getting a bit livelier. He couldn’t see the sun, but he felt it getting higher on the sky. 

He placed his hands on the windowsill of marble, feeling the cold send shivers up his spine. Then he glanced behind him, at the boy. Soobin. Who put him under a spell too, maybe different in many ways but similar in others. Just like his mother, Soobin could put Yeonjun in immense comfort. It wasn’t as hard to relax around him, or fall asleep for that matter. Soobin didn’t care when Yeonjun fidgeted with his ears or his skin, he didn’t care when Yeonjun babied him, and to the biggest surprise he didn’t care when Yeonjun disappeared. At least it didn’t appear so to Yeonjun. 

The hands left the windowsill, they longed for something else. 

The mattress dipped as he put his entire weight on it. The younger had his body facing Yeonjun, arm reaching forward to where Yeonjun previously laid. The older carefully brought his hand towards the other, softly dragging his fingers across his cheek, letting it fully land on his hair. The straight chestnut hair, messy from a full night of sleep. Though his eyes were closed Yeonjun could picture the dark irises sharing the same colour as a chocolate bar in the evening sun. And a sweet tooth is what he had, especially for the younger. 

Maybe Soobin was a magician, that’s why the older could sleep so well when they were together. This night excluded. It’s just that Yeonjun’s chest would feel easier when he felt Soobin right next to him, felt a hand interlocked with his as sleep came. Security he hadn’t felt for long. Yeonjun wished for words that could explain what he felt, but the feeling of adoration, affection and love was in itself indescribable. 

He leaned forward and placed a kiss on the youngers forehead, causing him to stir awake. Sitting up with his eyes almost shut close and arms searching for nothing in particular. How he woke up from the featherlike kiss but not from the hand on his head or Yeonjun’s entire body in front of him was a mystery. 

“Are you going?” he coaxed, voice groggy. 

“No- no don’t worry.” 

Yeonjun pushed him by his chest back into bed, “You can go back asleep.” 

Arms finally found what they were searching for, Yeonjun. Soobin’s warm hands wrapped themselves around Yeonjun’s shoulders and dragged him back down too. Soobin’s large hand finding the back of the others head. Bringing him closer, the oldest head ending up resting his head in the crook of Soobin’s neck. 

“Did you sleep well?” Soobin whispered the words with a warm breath directly in Yeonjun’s ear. 

“Yes.”  _ No _

“Good, so did I.” He hummed pleased, tightening his grip of the other. 

The sheer naivety of Soobin scared the older, ever so slightly. Scared Yeonjun because it’s so easy to fall into a habit of lies when you know the other believes them so easily. It’s so easy to just say “yes I slept well” “yes I’m fine” once you start. He wanted nothing else to tell Soobin the truth, everything. All the details of his life he hadn’t mentioned to a soul, except maybe the moon. During especially dark and cold nights. He wanted to share that piece of himself to someone, Soobin was that someone. 

_ I’ll scare him off, I can’t tell him. He would leave me. _

“Do you have class today?” The older started drawing circles on the part of Soobin’s chest he could reach. 

“Yeah, first one at 10.” His hand left the blue hair and landed on Soobin’s own face, he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. Finally opening them fully. “Can I borrow your shower?” 

Yeonjun simply nodded into the skin of his neck. The hand back, now lightly threading his hair, twirling it around his finger, massaging his scalp. Then, a kiss, placed just above his hairline. It was soft, but precise. And then Yeonjun knew, Soobin was in fact a magician, a warlock, an enchanter. The kiss didn’t just cause the olders heart to be filled with warmth and butterflies, but his eyelids got heavier and the feeling of days at loss of sleep finally hit him. 

In a moment, everything around him became blurry as his dreams took over. So low it came out as a mere vibration against Soobin’s nape, Yeonjun whispered; 

“Goodnight moon.” 

When the younger was sure the boy next to him was sound asleep he carefully slipped away from their hold. Quickly he tipped around the room, found the bathroom and, with Yeonjun’s blessing, showered. Observing the expensive shampoos and soaps standing on the bathtub, spoiling himself with using the one that he could smell Yeonjun always used. Somewhat of a tropical feeling, coconuts and mango maybe. Soobin even had the audacity to steal a sweater from his closet, perfectly imagining the overacted gasp the older would let out. “ _ How dare you steal my shirts- I guess I have to undress you.”  _ And even the picture of Yeonjun cocking his eyebrow flashed in front of his eyes before he fully realized what he had thought of. 

_ Oh god, not now.  _

His cheeks heated up, causing him to dress even quicker. And as he escaped the suddenly extremely hot bedroom and in search of food he found Beomgyu sitting by the kitchen isle. Already dressed up, wearing beige khakis and a white shirt. Neatly tucked in without any wrinkles in sight. 

“Good morning” he spoke but didn’t look at Soobin. It felt like some sort of power play. 

“Why are you up so early?” Soobin could faintly remember the time being just half past 6 the last time he checked. 

“I have a lecture at 8, like to take my time. Why are you?” 

“Just woke up, borrowed the shower. I have classes at 10.”

Beomgyu simply nodded and continued staring at his phone. Leaving Soobin standing there awkwardly. Fidgeting with the arms of the grey hoodie he had found in Yeonjun’s closet. Citrus sticking in his nose as he took a deep breath. A loud growl erupting from Soobin broke the silence. 

“Eat whatever you want.” Beomgyu waved him into the kitchen. Soobin felt awkward, scavenging the cupboards with the other just there. It crept under his skin in embarrassment. He took notice of the almost all full cupboards and shelves. Even the fridge was filled. He was so used to him and Taehyun having little to no food at home, and if they did it was either old or about to be consumed within 10 minutes. Despite all the food he settled with a bowl of rice and eggs. Ignoring his stomach begging for more. 

He ate in silence, reading page after page in the book he  _ almost  _ neglected. The aura eased up and the two boys almost forgot they were with each other. Soobin felt content when he shut the book knowing it only had two chapters left. 

As he was done he washed up after himself, even if Beomgyu nagged that it was okay to just leave it in the sink. And even if the time was only 7, he decided to leave for school early. The assignments he had ignored these past few days nearing their due date painfully quick. Quiet like a mouse Soobin gathered his things from the room and stuffed them into his backpack. 

Before leaving, he bent over above Yeonjun, placed a final kiss on his temple. And whispered, so quiet it barely left his lungs. 

“Love you.” 

And on the bus towards campus, as he jotted words down on the paper in his black leatherbound notebook. Words coming from a book he had been listening to lately. Hands shaking and heart beating. 

_ “I didn’t fall in love with you. I walked in love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way. I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do things we choose to do anyway. And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred lives, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you.”  _

And right at the top he wrote Yeonjun. Thinking to himself; 

_ one day, one day I will say it to his face.  _

The blinds were closed when Yeonjun woke up, hours later. The blanket he knew were thrown on the floor when he fell asleep was now laid across his feet. A glass of water placed on his night stand, standing on a small post it note, written in Soobin’s unique both messy and neat handwriting.  _ Please remember to eat. My classes end at 5, can come over then. I don’t work today.  _ It said. He wasn’t here, but the older could feel his warmth. Physically spreading through him. 

And for Soobin, he dragged himself out of bed, ate food Beomgyu had labeled as “breakfast for lazy hags” in the fridge. Another warmth spread and he chuckled as he threw the small piece of paper in the garbage. 

The day didn’t feel as horrible as the previous week had been. It was clear when he picked up the already packed training bag from his closet and headed towards the familiar practice room of his practice. Dance oh dance, how it felt powerful to release what you felt through something else than words. He loved dance, so much he would do anything for it. 

He danced until the mirrors fogged up and the soles of his feet ached. The timer on his phone echoed loudly through the studio and Yeonjun stood still for the first time in what felt like 2 hours. It was almost 4 PM. Still with a heavy breath he pressed the “call” under Beomgyu’s name. 

“Hello.”

“Can I, hah, use your car?” 

“What are you doing?”

“I’m at the studio, can I use your car?” Yeonjun tried to calm his breathing. Pulling deep breaths. 

“Are you dancing?” His voice got slightly pitched in chock. 

Yeonjun’s patience ran thin when Beomgyu didn’t answer the question. He silently clenched his fist and closed his eyes. 

“Beomgyu-ah, the car. Please.” 

“What for?”

“Surprise.” 

“Okay but only if-” 

Yeonjun hung up, pretending like he didn’t hear that Beomgyu was about to offer a deal. He knew where the keys were. The fact that he asked was out of pure courtesy. Once he finished in the dance studio he strutted home. Determination crawling under his skin. 

After a shower and a long phone call with Taehyun ending with Yeonjun promising to do about a 100 things (and about another 100 apologizes for “disappearing”), he knew which building Soobin’s last class was in. And while he searched the campus for a good 15 minutes for the exact classroom he disappointedly retreated back out. Waiting by the black car parked just outside the main entrance. Waiting for the younger to exit. He started fumbling with the keys, nervous as Soobin hadn’t come out yet, despite the time being well over 5. When Yeonjun tried calling he was sent right to voicemail. 

Yeonjun spotted the mery much familiar grey hoodie on Soobin as he exited the big doors.  _ 5:23 PM.  _ Soobin wore the same black jeans as yesterday and the vans untied, waiting for an accident to happen. “Soobin-ah!” Began shouting, until he noticed. He wasn’t alone, but accompanied by another guy, his arm flung around Soobin’s shoulder. Yeonjun could see both of them flashing their teeth from the distance. 

Soobin squinted his eyes when he spotted the figure by the black car. Contrasting the dark color with a white shirt and white jacket, paired with a pair of velvet pants and a white cap on his head. Soobin remember seeing them in the closet this morning.  _ Yeonjun-hyung?  _ But Yeonjun wasn’t looking at Soobin anymore, but rather on the guy next to him. As the two of them walked down the stairs Soobin understood why the look on the olders face was sour, eyebrows drawn upwards and lips in a frown. 

“Hey Hyunsang, can you-” Soobin whispered to the boy next to him before slipping out of his hold. He ran up to the elder, who was now kicking small gravel on the ground. He left his friend without words in the middle of the stairs. 

“Hyung, what are you doing here?” 

“Wanted to surprise you.” The older mumbled, blue hair was sticking out of his cap and the ends of his ears turned red. 

It dawned on Soobin, that during the time they had known each other. He hadn’t mentioned how much he used to hate surprises. The younger of them simply stood and stared at the older, embarrassed maybe. 

“Hey Soobin what’s up?” The guy that previously walked by Soobin’s side had come up to the pair. Still grinning. Black hair trimmed in a permed bowl cut and clothes hanging loose on his figure. No one answered. So he continued speaking. 

“I’m Hyunsang, you?” He reached a hand towards Yeonjun, who raised his head and stared at the boy. 

“Yeonjun.” voice monotone, ignoring the hand in front of him. 

Soobin cleared his voice in nervousness, waved his hand in front of the boys. 

“Yeonjun-hyung. This is Hyunsang, he is my partner for an upcoming project.” 

“Hyunsang this is Yeonjun-hyung, he is my-”

“Boyfriend.” The older exclaimed in confidence. Hands escaping to his pockets. 

His face lost color for a second, before turning a dusty pink. Soobin stood with his eyes wide open, simply staring at the older. Soobin didn’t like surprises. Yeonjun held his gaze on Hyunsang. 

“Oh I didn’t know you had a boyfriend. But I’ll talk to you on Monday. Have a nice weekend you two.” He waved them off and begun walking towards a bus stop. Yeonjun hated how nice he was, it was unreasonable yes. But he couldn’t help himself. 

Yeonjun clicked the button on the car keys and unlocked it with a quiet click. Then he entered the car on the drivers side, mumbling a “let’s go” to Soobin. Who followed suit and entered ther car on the opposite side. 

It was quiet for a while, except for Soobin’s; “can we go to my place?” and Yeonjun’s humming as an answer. 

Tension grew quick in the car, the music on the radio wasn’t high enough to drown the silence. Soobin turned his head towards Yeonjun, stared at him and his features for a second, observing his profile. When they stopped at a red light he opened his mouth. 

“Were you jealous?” 

“No”  _ Yes, so so jealous. _

“Yes you are. Don’t throw out words like boyfriend just because you are jealous.” 

It caught Yeonjun off guard, that boyfriend was the thing Soobin got stuck on. The light turned green and he pressed on the gas pedal. 

“Why does it matter. I’m sorry.” 

“I don’t want you to just say boyfriend if you don’t even mean it.” Soobin was no longer facing the other, now staring at the street ahead of them. 

“I’m sorry.”  _ But I meant it- I like you Soobin. Let me love you.  _

  
  


Though you were supposed to feel better after an apology Soobin felt horrible. Yeonjun didn’t even bother objecting to the “if you don’t mean it”, out loud at least. But they couldn’t read each others thoughts after all. Yeonjun’s screaming that he wanted nothing but to be his boyfriend and Soobin’s crying because he believed the other wanted the opposite. 

Despite it being hard for them to talk the rest of the evening Soobin whispered for Yeonjun to please stay by his side during the night, like a drug he was addicted to. 

And Yeonjun still held Soobin’s hands like they were all he had. And he still asked the younger so quiet before they fell both fell asleep for a goodnight kiss because he needed it to fall asleep, like a drug he was addicted to. 

When Soobin woke up the morning after Yeonjun was gone. Bed cold. The grey hoodie laying neatly folded on his dresser. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The extract towards the end is from the book "Chaos of Stars" by Kiersten White. 
> 
> This was lowkey longer than I wanted. This fic will likely have 3-4 more chapters. So tag along because it's not much left (i'm still not even sure where the story is going lol). In the meantime yall could leave kudos and comments.
> 
> Please point out obvious mistakes/spelling errors. See you next update.


	5. Love is what? Love is love and love is sadness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwu this is a bit short but whatever, ill drop two chapters at once

_“Taehyun. I think._ _“Beomgyu, you don’t, you don’t understand._

 _I think I love him.”_ _I love him so much.”_

* * *

It’s like a silent never ending breakup. Gradually they saw each other less frequently, always saying goodbye with painful smiles. Gentle false promises that they would see each other again. But it wasn’t a breakup, they were never together; it was nothing more than friends that occasionally kissed, hopelessly and silently in love. Nothing more than that, nothing less. Until the sleepovers became late night rides home and study dates were through the phone instead of in person. And then they didn’t see each other for a week, two weeks, a month. Busy with school, work, busy with silent heartbreak. 

The silent never ending breakup that killed them both, but there was nothing to do really. They were just friends that kissed, acquaintances, strangers. 

And even if Yeonjun killed himself on the dancefloor, pushing himself so close to the edge of dying of exhaustion he didn’t care. He had no other outlet to express his feelings for Soobin. His teachers praised him with endless compliments. _“You are a prodigy Yeonjun-ah!” “My number one student.”_ But he didn’t care too much, because during whatever showcases he had, whatever performances he absolutely smashed, there was one face in the crowd he missed. The face of a boy with chestnut hair, soft cheeks and eyes sweeter than the blue lollipop Yeonjun craved. He wished he had the courage to invite Soobin, but they barely spoke anymore. He was afraid to do so. Afraid to meet the other at this point. 

Why he wasn’t sure. He loved taking risks, do whatever he pleased. The worst part was how he knew the younger loved it too, he knew it. The moment the lingering promise of _“maybe I’ll see you around”_ left Yeonjun he knew Soobin fell for him, the dark chocolate eyes filled with so much adrenaline and anticipation. And then again when he leaned over the counter and placed an innocent kiss on the others pink lips, leaving them both painted in red. So Soobin wouldn’t mind at all if Yeonjun sent him a message asking him to come to a performance, in fact, he would surely sit at the front waving a sign and scream his name so loud Yeonjun would dance to the sound of that instead of the music. To the sound of Soobin’s sweet voice overpowering everyone else. 

_"I don't even know what we talk about, I just listen to the sound of his voice and to his laugh and to the sound of him listening to me. /.../"_

Yeonjun had had his fair share of boyfriends, girlfriends, hookups, whatever. No one quite like Soobin. At all. He squealed with happiness when Yeonjun touched his neck with wet kisses. He was both content with no talking and only touching but also with no touching and only talking. Stars glimmering in his eyes when he talked about something he read, sharing his thoughts on what his professor said during his last philosophy class. He made it clear when he disliked something and even clearer when he loved something. 

It was so clear it was painful that Soobin loved Yeonjun, so clear to Taehyun, to Hueningkai and to Beomgyu. It wasn’t clear to Yeonjun because he was stupid and just as blinded by love as the younger. He ached for their late night conversation and he woke up everyday wishing for the lost confidence to talk to the other. But everyday he gave up. _“Tomorrow maybe”_ he said. A false promise by a boy in love afraid of love.

* * *

Soobin was at the least unexperienced, if that was what you would call it. 

School was never a thing he liked, and finding passion and energy to to things that only brought him dread. But fuck how he fought, he graduated high school surrounded by the cheers of his peers and parents. He entered university with the excitement to do what he wanted. He was happy. But something was still missing, he never experienced going to high school parties, he never went to university parties, he never asked anyone out and he was never asked out. If he pretended it never bothered him, it was something he ignored. _I don’t need that to be happy, I’m already fine. It’s fine._

Then, he found what he missed, like _that_ puzzle piece you dropped on the carpet and searched for for hours. And when it fell right into place something truly euphoric spread through him. Cheesy at it may sound Yeonjun was puzzle piece to Soobin. Blue haired, a mystery, a surprise hidden in a stranger, someone who brought Soobin out of his shell even if he was scared. The older was his first kiss, his second kiss, and the only person he ever wanted to kiss. The older brought him out in the middle of the night to show the younger the prettiest places in the city, even if they were tired. The older was maybe the first person Soobin had fallen face first in love with. Ready to drop anything to be with him. 

He wished he would’ve told Yeonjun sooner, that he loved him. So much. That he loved Yeonjun even if he was slightly unreliable, even if he loved impulsivity, Soobin loved him even if he wasn’t perfect. Was he perfect? What is perfect?

Perfect

[ _adjective, noun_ **pur-** fikt]

  1. conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type



Okay so Yeonjun was perfect to Soobin, even if he had flaws. Fuck the defintion. Yeonjun was the ideal type that _perfectly_ fit with Soobin. Like _that_ fucking puzzle piece. 

Someone held the puzzle piece ready to put it into Yeonjun shaped hole in Soobin’s heart, but it seemed that they dropped it just as it was about to land there. It landed on the floor, blended in with its’ surroundings. Even if hands roamed the carpet for hours, flashed a light on floor in search for it; it was gone. Just like Yeonjun was, somewhat of a weird stranger. The last message sent to him a week ago ghosting in his phone, the photos in his camera roll there as a last memory of what they had. The sheer reminder of what was, what are and what could’ve been. 

The both of them wished that life and love was more like a cheerful coming of age movie about young love. A movie about the blue haired adventurous older boy who loved the younger boy with soft eyes and a heart full of love. Complimenting each other in the nicest ways. It wasn’t a movie, it was real life. Sure they were full of love, hands searching for the love for the other like a lost puzzle piece. 

Sometimes life hits with you with surprises. First it was the first surprise Soobin had ever liked. Yeonjun falling into that one 7/11, Yeonjun kissing him, Yeonjun loving him. 

Then like almost every other surprise in his life that Soobin hated. Despised even. It came crashing down, the surprise of them become strangers. 

And even if they both laid in separate beds and stared at the moon that watched over them both and they both tossed and turned thinking about the other. Confessions of love stirring in theirs heads. The poet of them two scratching down every poem of love he could find on the patchy paper in his notebook. The other staring intensely at the street below his window, disgusted by the couples walking before it. Holding hands. Only because he wished for that too. 

“ _I_ _fucking love you Soobin.”_ He whispered to the moon, because he always listened to Yeonjun’s problems. 

_“To: Yeonjun.”_ He wrote above yet another poem about love, imagining him saying it face to face. But on paper would have to be enough just now for Soobin to pour his emotions out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the poem is taken from Stop Pretending: What Happened When My Big Sister Went Crazy by Sonya Sones. It's not the full poem/quote but it fit better adding it like that. 
> 
> (pls point out obvious mistakes etc, otherwise i'd love kudos and comments from you <33)


	6. Strangers? Friends? Lovers?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this chapter was a rollercoaster for me, i started it off completely different, then i deleted it and changed it. I liked the chapter for a while and then I kinda hated it. So there will be one more chapter, and then I will write something like a epilouge so. Yes. Look forward to that. And I hope you aren't disappointed by this chapter even if I'm not the proudest of it.

May rolled around the corner, like a train just entering the station during rush hour. The grass was greener than what it felt like it had ever been. Parading the fact that summer was in it’s glory on the way. Flowers blooming and the sun shining in the morning when you woke up and still on the sky as you walked out of your last lecture of the day. The radiant hue of the sunset coming later and later each day. 

It was supposed to be a month of new beginnings, like every month Soobin begun with the mindset of “new month new me” in an attempt to fix his bad habits. But May wasn’t it this time. 

“Okay mom I need to go now. I have my first final next week.” 

“ _ I’ll wish you luck, don’t slack off now. It’s your last finals ever!”  _

Soobin could practically see her waving her finger, face scrunched up ever so slightly in endearment hidden under the seriousness of her voice. She was right, it’s his last finals ever. Never in his life will he have to sit through hour long exams sweating so much the pencil slips out of his hands and then walk home with tears in his throat. But it also meant nights spent studying and his favorite novels being replaced by school textbooks and practice exams. Grey clouds of dread darkening the otherwise colorful month of the year he usually loved so much. 

“I will. Miss you, talk to you later.” He hung up smiling even if his mother couldn’t see it. 

His head eventually found his hand and rested comfortable in it as he watched the sun move high on the sky to the horizon. Casting pink and purple shadows on the city. The bags underneath his eyes getting darker each day. Maybe after some time sulking and another hour or two procrastinating his work he finally got going. Headphones on his ear blocking the noises from his surrounding.

“Jesus Christ Soobin-hyung.” 

His heart skipped one or two beats and he twirled around on his desk chair. A spurt of sweat and headphones flying to the floor. His eyes met with Taehyun’s, who stood right by his bed on the other side of the room. Body drowning in a hoodie he recall Hueningkai wearing recently, a plate of rice and chicken in his hand. He hated surprises. 

“What?” He shouted a bit breathy. “You scared me stupid. What do you want?” A chuckle escaping, trying to cover up how nervous he suddenly got. 

Taehyun picked up a new leatherbound book from his bed, already open. 

_ “Everyday I ask myself, what would he do if he knew? would be welcome me with warming arms or would he push me away like I was nothing he desired. _

_ Yeonjun.”  _

The younger read it out loud. Facial expression going from confused to pity and back to confusion in a matter of seconds. 

His poems, right. The last notebook full with post it notes and poems and safely locked into his desk drawer along with the other three previous ones. The one in Taehyun’s hand was new, pages still stiff and smelling like a bookstore. He probably hadn’t filled it with more than three pages or so, one just before Soobin started studying. Open for the world to see, or at least for Taehyun apparently. The older of them two was on his feet in seconds, maybe even less. Rushing across the room to yank it out of the others hands. “Give me that” he gritted through his teeth, annoyance and panic lingering in his voice. 

“Hyung are you still in love with Yeonjun-hyung?” Taehyun carefully placed the plate on his nightstand, the steam from the rice leaving a trail in the air. 

“No-no. It doesn’t matter even if I was.” Soobin stuttered around the sentence, walking back to his desk and putting the notebook into a drawer. Shutting it extra loud to make sure Taehyun knew it wasn’t to be read by anyone. 

“I’m sorry. Here you have food. Go back to studying or whatever.” His hands thrown into the air as a sign of retread. The younger knew he had accidentally crossed a line. He knew those notebooks were precious to Soobin, like a diary with his feelings written down in his own way. He never showed them to anyone, except Yeonjun of course. But Taehyun didn’t know that. 

Taehyun knew something else though, something he hadn’t told Soobin and now started to regret he never told.  _ Is it too late now?  _

Is it still too late to tell Soobin what happened? That Taehyun met Yeonjun recently. 

Late night walks with the April wind making him hurry home. Street lights switching on as the sunset and the very much familiar 7/11 lighting up on the corner. Taehyun passed it every day, whatever he did he passed it. A part of his routine at this point almost. But  _ that  _ day something stood out, the recoloured blue hair on the tall boy exiting the store in an obnoxious yellow jacket and hot pink vans. Taehyun knew well enough who the other was, having met him countless times in his own apartment. Having sleepovers or cooking food for them, he was, in fact someone the younger considered a friend. 

“ _ Yeonjun-hyung!”  _ He had shouted as he crossed the street, meeting the other who had large eyes in shock. 

“ _ Hi. I was- I was thinking maybe Soobin-ah was working.”  _ The other had said, sneaking a blue lollipop out of his pocket to unwrap it. 

“ _ Oh he’s home, you can come along if you want to talk to him.” _

Taehyun was more than aware of how the olders relationship with his roommate had whitered, it was probably over 4 months since Soobin mentioned him for the first time. And non stop during those first months he couldn’t go a day without hearing the latter talking about Yeonjun until it felt like his ears would fall off. Or he was met with Yeonjun’s face in their own apartment after coming home. So that he hadn’t seen or heard anything about him for over a month was, to say the least, weird and very noticeable.

The last thing he heard about the older from his friend was; 

_ “I don’t know, I haven’t talked to him in a while. Maybe we just didn’t click.”  _

one night and the night after that, bloodshot eyes, maybe heartbroken he said; 

“ _ Taehyun. I think. I think I love him.” _

Taehyun bore his normal big smile, pretending like everything was okay, normal, ordinary. But he also noticed the bags the other had, even if he attempted to hide them under makeup. He noticed the hair untamed in a not so natural way and the energy level of the blue haired male being close to zero. But it was fine, Taehyun was good at pretending. Everything is fine. 

“ _ I don’t want to intrude, I think it’s better if I just leave it. Maybe it was a sign that he wasn’t here today.”  _ The older had looked embarrassed but still smiled at Taehyun. Everything is fine.  _ “Besides, Beomgyu is picking me up in like a minute.”  _

_ “Ah okay. Well I’ll get going then. I’m sure Soobin would like it if you came over though. See you later?”  _

Taehyun’s smile reached over his cheeks, he tried to read Yeonjun’s response to the question. And the half assed side smile paired with the regretful eyes were answers enough. But still, the older ended it with a “ _ of course.”  _ before Taehyun ran off. A weak promise, if it even was that. 

Maybe Taehyun shouldn’t tell Soobin, especially not now. It had been almost a month, and if he wouldn’t respond with anger or irritation at the younger keeping it to himself for so long he would definitely be crushed. How Yeonjun intended to meet him, he wasn’t there. Soobin would blame it on himself. What if he took a shift that night. What if he decided to follow Taehyun on his walk. What if he just met Yeonjun one last time. 

Taehyun closed the door to Soobin’s room. Yeah maybe it was best he kept this one to himself. No unnecessary spill of emotions. He heard the low mumbling of Soobin and the rustling of papers, the other was likely getting ready to study again; even if he knew his concentration was ruined for the night. A loud ping echoed from Soobin’s room, 

“I heard you have finals next week. Fighting!” It read. It could have been anyone really. But it wasn’t just anyone. Because who else would make Soobin’s heart skip a beat and a make his face flare up in blush so quickly if not for Yeonjun. 

And on the other side of the city in a big bedroom with cedar accents and velvet bedsheets, an apartment on a floor high up so that you can observe the city in piece. A boy laid, hair twirled around in a towel and fingers slightly shaking as he gets a response on the text he just sent. 

“Thank you! I hope it goes well for you too. Fighting!” 

It was dry, but endearing, making the older’s chest tighten in happiness. If that was possible. He had no idea how he would respond. He just stared at the text, the first one in weeks. The contact photo remaining the same through the days. A rather unflattering picture of the younger right out of the shower with slick to his forehead and face red from the hot water. Yeonjun smiled at it, missed seeing the other smile. He could follow it up with a question, literally anything to keep the conversation going. He stared at the characters on his keyboard and ended up retyping word after word over and over again. Never really feeling satisfied with the answer, he simply replied with a dry emoji he knew he wouldn’t get a response to and rolled around the bed regretting it seconds later. 

His legs ached when he stood up, a result of weeks of endless training. He thought he would get used to it. But you never really do. Never got used to the pain in his legs, the loneliness of his big room and the empty spot in his heart reserved for someone special. 

Yeonjun left his room, took a stroll around the apartment, dragged his fingers across the cold windows. Leaving marks, Beomgyu would hate him for that. The sun was close to disappearing, casting the city in a navy hue. He picked his phone up again and hovered his fingers across the keyboard again.  _ Should I? No?  _

“What are you thinking of?” Beomgyu had entered, the other so immersed in his thoughts he didn’t even hear the door open or close. The younger of them chucked his coat off and threw it on the chair that stood just by the door. Then he pulled his shoes off and walked up to Yeonjun. Stared at the city with him, trying to see what was so interesting. 

“Ah, nothing, everything.” Yeonjun dropped the phone in his pocket, decided that he shouldn’t. Then he unwrapped his hair from the towel and twirled it around his neck. 

Beomgyu didn’t mention the obvious change, didn’t even acknowledge it. He continued to stare out the window. The city felt silent, and Beomgyu felt the apartment was to silent too. More than it had ever been, he was used to loud laughter, music blaring through it and the noise of someone almost, almost always talking (that someone was often Beomgyu.) But these last few weeks, were truly exhausting. Both roommates escaping to their own rooms whenever one came home. Busy with whatever, school, a new dance routine, heartbreak. 

“Don’t you miss Soobin.” Beomgyu asked the question like he was walking on paperthin ice. He could hear Yeonjun hitching his breath, smacking his lips as if they suddenly ran dry. 

“I don’t know. I guess. Doesn’t matter.” 

“Why?” 

“It just doesn’t, doubt he’ll see me after we haven’t talked for so long. Can barely remember his face.” 

“You’re just dramatic, he would probably run into your arms if he saw you.” 

Yeonjun drew a smile, subtle but full of hope. It faded quicker than it came and he shook his head. Maybe he believed it just for a second, that the boy with chestnut hair would just drop everything and take him back like there was nothing to it. But Yeonjun knew, even if Soobin had expressed he didn’t care if Yeonjun disappeared occasionally, it was okay, he understood. This was different, from the outside it looked like Yeonjun had completely given up on them. Given up on whatever you would call it. 

Just because he was afraid to tell Soobin that he loved him, was IN love with him. And then it was suddenly too late. There was no point in confessing now. Wouldn’t that be weird? Telling someone you’ve barely talked with for weeks that you love them. 

“Goodnight gyu.” He whispered to his roommate who still stood promptly stood by the window. Still searching what Yeonjun was looking for. But it wasn’t here, it was in an apartment on the other side of the city sitting on a desk chair next to a leatherbound notebook filled with the shortest, longest and most beautiful lines he could find. Yeonjun couldn’t say it out loud, but Beomgyu saw. Yeonjun was still searching for Soobin. 

And Beomgyu, in his own words  _ the best person in the whole of Korea! Nay! In the whole word,  _ had his own plan to help Yeonjun finding what he was searching for. A smirk creeping up on the blonde boy staring at a city which soon would be filled with life again. Standing in the apartment which he felt would feel easier and happier if everything went as he planned for it to go. 

Everything he needed was two more boys, who he knew would be just as interested as Beomgyu to finally end this. 

Two tones, before someone picked up the phone. 

“ _ Hello?”  _

“Hi Taehyun-ah, it’s Beomgyu. I need your help.”

It was as if the boy on the other side already suspected what he was going to say. 

“ _ Keep on.”  _ The other said, voice deepening in something that could only be described as him already plotting what would be a master plan. 

Which is what kinda led them to this; 

Friday night, three boys walking on the sidewalk obnoxiously spread out so no one could pass them. The two boys on either side of the taller one in the middle did their best on dragging him forward. Both of them very excited, weighing out the one not so in the middle. Taehyun and Hueningkai, the duo of chaos and their friend Soobin. Much too introverted to feel even just a bit thrilled of where they are headed.  _ A club?  _ he had exclaimed in defeat as the other two made their best effort in dressing him up and promising him it would be fun. 

The thought of people dancing around him, sweaty and way to close. Drunk people unaware of their bad manners and way to loud music made his throat close up, and they weren’t even close yet. In fact, it felt like they were going to far. Already passing multiple bars and night clubs closer to their own home. Soobin didn’t question it, Taehyun had a glimmer of determination in his eyes and Hueningkai was so excited he almost skipped on the way there. The oldest of them actually agreeing to come was more than a rarity. It almost impossible. But pleading puppy eyes and the need to actually relax after his first week of finals. Soobin wasn’t the best drinker, but hell was it good when you really needed it. 

He understood that the club was coming closer and closer when music became louder in the distance and the people they passed seemed out of it despite it barely being 10 PM. Taehyun sped up as the hue of the neon sign above the entrance.  _ Magic Island  _ it said. In all it’s glory the strong green light lit up the street. Men and women stood outside, some smoking, one throwing up and others simply talking. It took a few minutes in line for them to finally enter. The club being cast dark with flashing lights. Red, green, blue, yellow flashing. People gathered on the dance floor and the bar full. 

Stuffy was one word, uncomfortable another, downright scary maybe for Soobin. Which is why he went straight to the bar, taking the lead with Taehyun and Hueningkai behind him. 

“Three glasses of soju please” He shouted to the bartender, who clearly struggled because of the noise. But in the end nodded and placed three glasses in front of them. 

Soobin drank his glass, maybe just a bit to quickly. Wincing once the last remainder of it left the glass. His two friends carefully sipping on their own. Soobin ordering another one before the others were even done with their first. And as he finished that one at the same time they finished their first it seemed like he needed a break. The low alcohol tolerance finally hitting him. They sat and talked for a while, as best as they could at least. Then Kai dragged him out on the floor once they determined him drunk enough to do so. 

“You dance like a grandpa.” he laughed at his older friend, who indeed danced a bit uncomfortable on the floor. They stayed there for what could’ve been 2 minutes or 20 minutes. Taehyun throwing looks to Kai in the meanwhile. Silent pleas of “keep him there.”

One look was all it took, then Kai pulled the other back towards a table Taehyun found to sit down. Both sweaty from the warm air and dancing bodies. The two younger ones sat side by side with Soobin in front of them. Eyes droopy and a tired smile on his lips. Taehyun, like the very  _ caring  _ friend he is asked him carefully. “Hey you okay? Maybe you should go to the bathroom and just wash off or something.” Which Soobin nodded too, but still took a few seconds to do. 

Like bambi he went off to the bathroom, on wobbly legs and slightly drunken mind. 

And minutes later a boy sat down in Soobin’s former place. He had blonde hair and smug body language. “Yeonjun-hyung is on the way to the bathroom. He has some fucked up coping mechanism that he needs to pee when he’s stress. And no one is better at stressing him than me.” The boy pointed to himself and then started sipped on the cocktail, which somehow stood ready for him. “Blondes ain’t so dumb huh.” Taehyun smiled. And clinked his own glass with the other. Which blonde but Beomgyu would it be. 

The plan they had was maybe more than risky. It could potentially end with the two older boys ending up on even worse terms. They could also end up in each other’s bed in the end of the night. And Taehyun, who have been described as very mature and wise seemed to have pushed aside the thought of all possible consequences to the side.

But the thought of seeing his roommate, his friend, be happy again. Get closure, get whatever was enough to ignore that. And it was enough for the blonde boy opposite of him too. 

The bathroom smelled of a high school boys dressing room, a bit of urine and in general just nasty. After Soobin had splashed water on his face he stayed in the bathroom, feeling how relaxing the muted music and low talking felt. And even though he cringed in disgust as about 75% of the men left the bathroom without washing his hands he preferred it over leaving himself. 

Black hair, amber eyes, peachy lips. Both familiar and unfamiliar to Soobin, he could still remember how the lips felt on his and how the eyes used to stare at him. Yeah, the hair was different, more mature, but oh how it fit him. Yeonjun. The surprise Soobin just couldn’t help but love, even if he wanted to hate it. 

“Yeonjun-hyung?”

“Soobin-Soobin-ah?” 

The two boys, who had been friends, who were so close to lovers but had been strangers lately. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHh!! Please leave kudos and comments if you liked it, if you didn't please tell me why so I can better myself. I really really hope you liked it though. Next chapter will be "happier"? I guess.


	7. To the end and forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soobin and Yeonjun's story is coming to an end, but don't fret. It's not much of an surprise. Because, well Soobin hates those (except maybe this one)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of my little story. I might post a very short epilouge in the upcoming days tho. If i don't then, well I hope you liked this. 
> 
> Since I'm finished you can expect edits and changes to be made in short, please comment/tell me on twitter if you find any obvious mistakes such as spelling etc.

Strangers? Was that the word?

No that’s not it. They aren’t strangers. They knew every crevice on the other like it was their own. They knew each other’s name, secrets and embarrassing stories from their childhood. They used to sleep side by side hands interlocked and hot breaths against each others skin. So no, strangers weren’t what they were. Lovers then? No they never had sex, maybe a peck, a small kiss here and there, maybe even a make out session if they were in the mood. Okay, so not strangers, not lovers, then they must be friends right? Mm, maybe not so much of friends either. So they haven’t talked for a very long time, but friends do that sometimes. But whenever they see each other their hearts feel easy and their laughters are as loud as they were when it was the last time they met. And honestly, Soobin looked ready to throw up; not because of the alcohol. He just hates surprises. He didn’t hate Yeonjun, but he hated surprises. 

“Hey.” He breathed, afraid something else would just make his stomach flip.

“What are you doing there. No here I mean?” The older chuckled even though he suddenly looked sweaty and just about as nervous as Soobin. He ran a hand through the, now, jet black hair. 

“I’m here with Taehyun and Kai.” The words sounded slurry when they left his mouth.

Yeonjun mumbled a hushed “ah I’m here with Beomgyu” and it seemed none of them connected the two, very obvious dots. He lazily pointed at one of the stalls and drew his lips in an awkward smile. Pressing his lips tightly shut before going to the bathroom. 

The other stood like cemented in his place. Should he leave? Yes that would technically be a great idea. But also this could maybe be the only time this night where Soobin would get the chance to talk to the other in peace. Actually maybe the weird and slightly unnerving calm of the bathroom is perfect for them to speak. 

But when he heard the toilet flushed nervousness filled his lungs like water, no, he couldn’t talk now. So he pushed himself off the wall and walked out of the bathroom. Met with the in contrast very dark room with flashing lights, making him dizzy. Even if he noticed the blonde escaping the table where his friends were sitting he didn’t mention it when he dropped down with them. 

He almost opened up his mouth to blabber on how he met Yeonjun. But the two friends looked utmost uncaring about what he would say. So he decided against it. Pushed his concerns aside, drank another glass of whatever clear alcohol that already stood on the table and joined the conversations his friends had. And it stayed like that for a while. They were just friends laughing at stupid shit this night. It’s just that the boy with black hair that should blend in well with the masses stands out like he has a glow in the dark balloon tied to his wrist. 

Taehyun and Kai sat with their backs facing the dance floor, so obviously they didn’t notice how Yeonjun shined on the other side of the room. But Soobin took notice on how Yeonjun slammed two shots, danced for 10 minutes, went back to Beomgyu who sat in their booth. Soobin took notice of how at least two guys and 3 women went up to them to unmistakably ask the black haired one for a dance maybe, maybe his number, maybe to ask him home. But in the end, Soobin took notice of how he said no to every single one. 

And then he went up to the dance floor again, the song from the speakers familiar to Soobin, he had heard it hundreds of times. It was Yeonjun’s favorite of course. What else would make him move his hips like there was no tomorrow and his eyes turn dark. 

The screen on Taehyun’s phone lit up. He grabbed it in a millisecond when he saw Soobin took interest in what message he got. And under the circumstances Soobin shouldn’t have been so stupid when his roommate stood up, grabbed his two friends hands and exclaimed “let’s dance, I love this song.” and just as how he was pursued to come to the club tonight, he couldn’t say no to Taehyun’s big puppy eyes. So the three of them stumbled onto the dancefloor. Everyone was there, beautiful men and women, people sweating, bodies touching bodies. But for Soobin there was only one person on the dancefloor. 

_The moment you saw me_

_Under the deep darkness_

_I think I saw a light_

_Oh woah..._

Yeonjun exudes an amazing amount of energy and brightness. Soobin couldn’t keep his mind off the other. The bodies on the floor blended with each other, he lost Taehyun and Kai for a moment, and when he found again them they had their hands intertwined. Maybe he shouldn’t bother them. So he turned around, pretended he didn’t see it and let his unconscious take over. 

_A disheveled fragrance moves me_

_And I follow it like I’m in a trance_

_Oh woah..._

His legs moved without him noticing, following something his heart knew about but not his mind. Taking subtle breaks along the way over the floor so it didn’t look like he had a destination in mind. And when he suddenly felt two hands on his hips from behind he felt something. At first he was excited, giddy, loving how it burned at the touch. But then when he understood that the man he thought was behind him, was in fact in front of him. The touch, the fingers, nothing felt right.

The others eyes weren’t the soft umber like Soobin was used to. His lips weren’t that faint pink, they were slightly red from the lipstick at the centre of it. The smudged dark brown eyeliner accenting his already sharp eyes. His now dark hair making him look so desirable Soobin didn’t know where to look. Maybe he didn’t see what the guy behind him looked like, but he wouldn’t be on par with Yeonjun. At all. He escaped the hold of the other, who seemed annoyed but didn’t go further. _Thank god._

He had a destination now, he saw it right in front of him. If he didn’t feel the alcohol flowing through his veins he wouldn’t have done this. He was way to shy, he would have sent a text the morning after to confess that the other looked nice. If he would even dare that. But he wasn’t sober. Drunk on alcohol and drunk on love.

_Face to face_

_Eyes to eyes_

_The breathtaking mood_

_The slight tension that leads us_

Yeonjun’s hands found the youngers hips as soon as they were in the right distance, pulling him in. Soobin’s hands reached for his face, cupping his cheeks. Chocolate met umber as their face got closer. Black met chestnut as their foreheads bumped together. Hot breaths reeking of alcohol. But they didn’t care. 

Lips crashed, fires spread, everyone else disappeared. 

_Stealing everything with gazes_

_With no time to spare I_

_want to hold you_

_Now we_

_Oh oh…_

They pushed and pulled. Weeks, months of abstinence. Hands roaming through hair, along their faces and underneath shirts. “I missed you. This.” Yeonjun whispered when Soobin left his lips and trailed kisses on his jawline. “Me too”. 

_Touchin’ like we know each other_

_Touchin’ like we know each other_

_I can’t wait any longer_

_If you feel the same way_

_Now we_

_Oh-oh_

They stopped for a second. Observed each other. Yeonjun’s lipstick had left his own lips, now on Soobin’s. For a second Soobin thought he saw tears in the others eyes, and he didn’t notice his own until the olders thumbs swiped across his cheeks. Yeonjun pursed his lips. 

“Don't cry, why are you crying?” Tears fell from his own eyes. 

He genuinely didn’t know how they had moved across the whole room. Into a silent corner where they were alone. 

“Why are you?” Soobin pushed him a bit. 

“Why? Because I’m here and you’re here and I missed you so much.” 

It was bittersweet, the tears. Because they were shed from happiness maybe, shed after months missing each other. And they both knew it too well. They saw it in the eyes, felt it in the touch, heard it in their voices. Soobin felt his throat close each time he tried to open his mouth, everything moved so fast. Like lightning. Soobin wanted to tell the other immediately how he loved him and missed him and wanted nothing else but to be with him. But what if it was too soon. 

In reality there was no to soon for them. Even if they had refused to say it out loud before. Nothing was too soon, for them. It wasn’t in their vocabulary. Their first meeting, perhaps it occurred at the exact right time in their life. Their first kiss, when both were ready, even if they didn’t explicitly say so. Maybe even in some sick mysterious way, these months alone was what they needed. No one knew what the universe had in store, so Soobin should just say it. 

“Hyung. I-” Was all he could say, words sticking to the glue in his throat. 

Yeonjun kissed him again, and slight mixture of salty tears crept into their mouths. The kiss wasn’t too late, too soon. It was just when it was needed. They stayed in the corner by themselves, just the two of them for a while. But as the midnight grew closer more and more people filled the club. And soon enough, as the two boys friends had left the dancefloor and they were the only two left. Even for Yeonjun, who had no problem being just a little bit PDA thought it became uncomfortable when people bumped into them. 

They parted, lips swollen and cheeks red. Without really saying it out loud the older grabbed the others hand and asked if they should leave. Together. A sloppy nod from the younger was all it took. Hand in hand they walked past groups of people, fighting they way through the masses. Before they left, Yeonjun threw one quick glance around the room, trying to find his friend. 

Beomgyu sat content by Taehyun and Kai when their eyes met. A smug smile on the blondes face. Nodding to Yeonjun. _Go ahead_. he mimed, before turning away again. Letting the two leave in peace and still pretending like no one saw them. And only then it clicked that this maybe wasn’t just some sweet coincidence that they met.

Hands sweaty against each other as they stood on the street lit up by the green light. Not daring to let each other go, ever again. Yeonjun checking his phone religiously for the time while waiting for the taxi he called to arrive. They didn’t talk, still high on each others presence. The warm weather outside allowing them to stand in their place without wearing jackets. The warmth radiating off each other enough for them. Only when they had to enter the taxi their hands left each other, fingers already turning cold from the lack of touch. But they found each other again as soon both were seated, smiling like idiots at each other. Yeonjun’s eyes disappearing in the smile and lips quirking upwards. 

A hand fell on Soobin’s own cheeks. He leaned into the touch of his warm hands. 

“I love your dimples Soobin-ah.” Yeonjun whispered, eyes staring right into his. And it occured to the younger that this was the first time he had heard the older say it. To his surprise, since the other was very vocal about the fact that his face and cheeks were the best part of him. 

Suddenly they were outside Yeonjun’s apartment, and Soobin didn’t get the chance to say what he loved about Yeonjun, there was so much. The way his hair naturally curled ever the slightest at the ends, or his addicting eyes and how his lips fell into a pout when he didn’t think of it. The older promptly grabbed his hand and dragged him excitedly through the complex, in the elevator, still keeping it in his as they entered his room. Just as untidy as it was the last time Soobin was here. He missed it, this, Yeonjun. 

Shirts peeled themselves off in seconds, landing in a mess on the floor. Limbs tangling together once their bodies hit the bed. Yeonjun placed kisses on the skin trailing from the others collarbones down to the waistline of his pants, Soobin’s ears flared red and he grabbed Yeonjun’s chin. Bringing him forward, to his face. 

“ _Yeonjun_ ,” he whispered, stared into his eyes, dark and hungry. “ _I think. I think I love you._ ”

“ _Soobin,”_ Yeonjun smiled, so fondly it was tooth rotting sweet. “ _you don’t understand how much I love you”_ he whispered it back, this was only for Soobin. Not even the moon were allowed to hear this. The confession, not too late, not too soon, maybe perfect timing. 

“ _I will love you when you are a day. I will love you when you are a hurricane.”_

Soobin whispered again. He wanted to shout it from the all the rooftops. Let everyone know. Let Yeonjun know. 

The night didn’t end in a surprise, both knew well enough exactly where they were going. But even if it was a surprise Soobin wouldn’t have hated it. It’s Yeonjun in the end. 

“Good morning.” Yeonjun mumbled when he noticed how Soobin started to open his eyes, the sun peeking through the blinds and the room no longer carrying the same feeling as yesterday. It’s easier now. Soobin smacked his lips a few times, maybe it dawning on him now that he is more hungover than predicted. 

“Good morning.” He smiled back nevertheless. 

“About yesterday,” Yeonjun begun, twirling a strand of the others hair around his finger. Soobin’s face fell slightly, silently wondering if the other would take back what he said.

“I really meant it. I have, for a really long time. Sorry if it sounds cheesy.”

The shoulders that tensed up just before relaxed and he released a breath he wasn’t sure when he started holdning. Closing his eyes in a sense of calm. “I meant it too.”

He was surprised with Yeonjun’s lips on his. Morning breath hitting him, and if it wasn’t Yeonjun he would’ve been disgusted. Instead he smiled and kissed him back. They have done this countless times, but never like this. Not just both clearly in love, but both knowing it. They laid in bed, Yeonjun resting his head on Soobin’s chest. Feeling how his breath slowed down, realizing the other was falling in and out of sleep. 

A rumble echoed the room, coming from Yeonjun’s stomach. Seconds later he heard Soobin let out a quiet giggle. With curious eyes he noticed how Soobin smiled so big his dimples appeared and eyes formed crescent moons. _Let’s eat_ he whispered into the olders ear. 

There they were, on the tiny balcony of Yeonjun and Beomgyu’s apartment. Chairs slightly uncomfortable against the bare skin of their legs not protected by boxers. The honey looking morning sun blinding them, spreading a flow of heat on their skin from the summer sun. The older stared at the other, who simply kept his head high and closed his eyes when a gust of wind came their way. Never had Yeonjun seen someone as perfect as him, quite the embodiment of happiness, bliss, youthfulness. He realized, that maybe Soobin would was the only person he had ever loved, and would be the only one he would ever love. For he had never felt like this before. Not towards his preschool crush, his first girlfriend or lover. Only Soobin. It was all he could think of; _Soobin, Soobin, Soobin._

He thought back to that freezing day in February, stumbling into a 7/11 after running for what felt like forever, when he genuinely didn’t know if he would die or not. And he met someone, which at the first meeting was nothing but kind. And deep deep down, he knew he had fallen at that exact moment. And now, he was eternally grateful, that the other had stayed; for so long. Because he was here now. Only a small coffee table separating them. And as he watched Soobin take a sip of the latte in front of them, watched as it left a trail of cream on the others upper lip; he couldn't help but laugh. So endearingly he felt like combusting. 

“Come here.” Yeonjun gestured for Soobin to reach over the table with his face. Maybe expecting the older to magically whip out a tissue to wipe the cream off. Oh how he was wrong, instead, the other placed a finger under his chin and kissed him, licking the cream off. Causing Soobin to flare all shades of red and jolt backwards in shock. Taking him a few seconds to process what had happened. He was surprised. And when the older simply struck his signature smirk and shook his head Soobin couldn't help but feel his heart beat a bit faster. 

Even if he hated surprises, more than anything. When people surprised him on his birthday, unexpected events, things catching him off guard. He never once hated a surprise coming from Yeonjun. And he had thought it a hundred times, said it out loud to no one in particular ten times. It really dawned on him right there and then; never in his life had he been so happy about a surprise. 

He thought about how he disliked the color blue until he saw Yeonjun for the first time in blue hair. Thought about the absolutely disgusting lollipops he felt like gagging on just looking at until Yeonjun became obsessed with them. He thought about how love never interested him until he started loving the other. 

How he hated surprises until he met Yeonjun, may I say, like a surprise. 

Now, all he could do was sit on the chair, stare at the other who bathed in the sunlight. Stare at his model like face, jet black silky hair and smooth skin. His perfections and imperfections. 

Soobin promised himself he would never forget this. This one particular moment. He would think of it every time he saw Yeonjun, every time he stood on this balcony, every time he felt the mild morning sun on him. He would think of this when he went home and ran a finger over a blank piece of paper before filling it with messy charcoal words. 

_“How do I keep falling more and more in love?_

_Is there a limit to love?”_

//

Fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm happy with the outcome of this. There are things I would've changed in retrospect, but whatever, it also could've been much worse. Please leave kudos and comments if you liked it and I will hopefully be back soon with more content. 
> 
> The song (mentioned as Yeonjun's favorite) is Touchin' by Kang Daniel. 
> 
> The first poem is by Clementine von Radics.
> 
> You can always come to twt and talk to me/become moots/request prompts. Love y'all.  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/hopeonmydick)


	8. Let me tell you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, wow, how many months has it been since I finished this? 4? I wrote this kind of sequel because I felt the need to explain some of the plot holes I accidently left in the og story, I'm sure it bothered some people. It also really bothered me that I left so many things about Yeonjun unsaid, because I never found a good way to incorporate it into the story while writing it back in February. So here I am, with Yeonjun's backstory. The vibe is a bit more angsty, but yeah. 
> 
> TW: Mentions of drugs, death, abuse and homphobia (nothing is descriptive, but it /is/ mentioned)

Soobin’s hands were oddly warm, like they had been slowly warmed up by a campfire or from underneath a blanket. His back rested against the headboard of his bed, though, it was hunched over in the slightest. The small TV from the other side of the room was on, and illuminated the room every now and again. Lighting up and darkening again. The movie he had put on 40 minutes ago in an attempt to stay awake didn’t do its job, for Soobin felt just about two seconds from falling asleep fully, even in the uncomfortable position. 

His hands threaded Yeonjun’s black hair, braided small braids into it. It was a long time sinceYeonjun had any crazy colors in his hair, and when Soobin looked at it through his half-lidded, sleep ridden eyes, he kind of missed the bright blue he had when they first met. 

Yeonjun laid curled up next to Soobin on the bed, with only his head in Soobin’s lap, from Soobin’s position he was unsure if the older was sleeping or not. He hadn’t said anything for a good while, and Soobin knew he was a sucker for Soobin caressing his hair. 

Though the apartment Yeonjun shared with Beomgyu was far bigger and extravagant, they had for months at this point, spent nearly all their time in Soobin’s apartment. Yeonjun used to praise him for making it so  _ homely _ and comfortable. He had added fairy lights to his walls and his room generally looked a bit out of pinterest when one entered it. Not that Yeonjun had ever complained, he preferred it much more over his, rather empty and minimalistic room. If Soobin’s neighbours didn’t know better, they might just think that he lived there too considering how often he was there. 

Soobin contemplated whether or not he should actually move and lay down comfortably, if Yeonjun was sleeping he would probably just stir for a second before falling back asleep, and if he was actually awake, well he’d just complain before going back to laying by Soobin’s side. 

The first thing he did was simply letting his hands fall from the dark hair and to his sides. 

“...Soobinnie.”

“Ah hyung, you are awake.” 

“Yes, please continue.” Yeonjun stretched out a hand and searched for Soobin’s blindly. 

He didn’t actually have to force Soobin to continue, but the younger gladly complied, he caressed the hair and twirled it around his fingers. Yeonjun let out a content humming. Signaling that he really enjoyed it. From the sudden conversation, Soobin’s brain awoke, and his attention was once again grabbed by the movie playing. It was a coming of age one. The thick silence in the room was suddenly interrupted when Soobin exclaimed in a mumble at something they said in the movie. 

“Huh, little turtle...my sister and mom used to call me that too.” 

“Turtle huh?” Yeonjun snickered.

“Yes, I got so mad because they never told me why,” Soobin sighed, then he asked, “did your parents have a nickname for you?” 

He felt the tiniest bit of regret once the question had slipped, except for what Beomgyu himself had told Soobin about Yeonjun and his family, there wasn’t a lot more he knew, on top of that, he always felt slightly guilty about knowing that too. Thinking about how Yeonjun wasn’t even the one to tell him. But what he knew of Yeonjun and his family, was that they no longer were in contact, that something had happened, that Yeonjun was alone for a long time. 

“Mm... no not...really. My parents only called me Yeonjun.” he revealed, truth be told, it itched in Soobin to ask more about it. But he was afraid Yeonjun would only feel pressured if he were to ask. His fingers twitched slightly, but he stopped talking and turned his attention back on braiding Yeonjun’s hair. 

The movie ended after yet another hour, Soobin had fallen asleep towards the end, with one hand resting on his chest and the other in Yeonjun’s hair. He jolted awake when Yeonjun raised from the bed, and disappeared out of the room. Soobin sat in a somewhat disoriented state of mind, head groggy from the short power nap and the dark room. 

Yeonjun came back a minute later with his toothbrush in his mouth, only to grab Soobin’s hand and drag him out of bed, whispering to him to hurry, that he also needed to brush his teeth. 

The entire apartment was dark, so when they entered the lit up bathroom, Soobin couldn’t help but squint his eyes like he was protecting them. Still he followed Yeonjun’s example and began brushing his teeth, slipping one hand around Yeonjun’s waist to drag him a bit closer. The warmth and comfort from him made him sleepier than he would like to admit. 

“Shleepy?” Yeonjun asked from between the brushing, mouth lathering with toothpaste. He smiled up at Soobin, who it seemed like had become taller ever since Yeonjun met him for the first time, even if he should be well past the age for when you stop growing. Soobin nodded at Yeonjun’s question, too tired to even speak. The older couldn’t help himself smiling when he looked up at him, sleep ridden. It was beyond endearing. 

Not that the walk was far, but they went back to Soobin’s room, hands intertwined like they were afraid of losing each other during the way. 

Soobin exhaled when his head finally hit the pillow and the covers engulfed him, when Yeonjun slid in under the covers seconds later Soobin’s hands searched for him until his fingers touched the skin. Yeonjun shuddered from the touch, but didn’t mind it, instead he huddled closer. Did what he usually did and laid his head on Soobin’s chest, listened to his heartbeat slow down. 

Yeonjun fiddled with Soobin’s earlobe, and Soobin stroked Yeonjun’s hair, it was a common habit by now for them. 

Yeonjun laid wide awake, deep in thought. 

_ “If I don’t tell him now, will I ever? _

_ If I don’t tell him now, will I ever find someone to tell? _

_ If I don’t tell him now, I fear I’ll never do so.”  _

“Are you awake…?” Yeonjun whispered, nearly soundless. 

“Yes.” 

“I- I know you wanted to ask about my parents before.” 

Yeonjun couldn’t see, but Soobin opened his eyes wide at his comment. 

“It’s okay, to ask, you know.” Yeonjun continued, but it didn’t seem like he had the nerve to just spew out what he wanted to say, it was, quite unlike him. 

“Do you want me to ask you hyung?” Soobin asked, just to make sure. 

“Yes.” 

Straightforward, no walking around, it’s time. 

“Could you tell me about your parents?”

Yeonjun nodded, then he closed his eyes, maybe to collect himself. He felt a bit ridiculous, realizing that this would be the first person he’d ever tell, details and all. 

“You know I lived in America for a long time right? Well, we weren’t supposed to stay for  _ that  _ long. My father got a position there for work, we planned to be there for a year at first, I was only 9 so, of course it was like a dream came true. Then one year turned into two, then, three. We really enjoyed it over there. Lived there until I was 16. And uhm, I always knew my parents were more on the conservative side but. Uhm, a month or two before we were supposed to leave for Korea again, my mother caught me, and-” 

His voice was unstable, and the only thing Soobin could do was hug him a bit tighter, hold him closer.

“My mother caught me and my first boyfriend together.” 

_ “-Mom! It’s not what it looks like.”  _

_ “A shame! What if your father knew. He’d kill you on the spot.”  _

_ She talked like she almost didn’t want him to find out about her sons secret, still she was the one who told him later when he came home. Yeonjun actually thought she wouldn’t, but when they all sat down around the table and his father had began eating she cleared her throat and looked at Yeonjun with sharp eyes.  _

_ “Do you have something to say?” She asked.  _

_ “No-no.” Yeonjun assured, and when his father raised a confused brow she huffed and threw her napkin in her lap.  _

_ “Choi Yeonjun!”  _

_ “Mom.”  _

_ “Our son, has...bad habits, it seems like he has gotten influenced to bad things. He and Peter, were, kissing.” She did her best to say the last word, but it obviously didn’t sit right in her mouth.  _

_ Yeonjun’s father coughed, straight up almost choked on his food. If his mother was just slightly conservative, then his father was 100x more in comparison with her. He told him in every single way he could, that he detested that side of him. That if he ever dared to bring Peter home- or any boy for that matter ever again, it would be the last thing he did. That his son wasn’t supposed to be that way.  _

_ “Don’t disappoint me like this ever again. Then you aren’t my son. If you don’t have us, then who will love you?” He gritted through his teeth when he shut the door to Yeonjun’s room that evening.  _

_ Yeonjun didn’t go to school the day after, afraid his friends would ask questions about the red mark on his cheek or what had happened with him and Peter.  _

_ Yeonjun didn’t say another word to Peter before he moved back to Korea, not as much as a goodbye even.  _

_ When they arrived back in Korea, it took him a while to settle back in, of course, he had grown up in America, that’s where he had become who he was. He came back to Korea and was suddenly Choi Yeonjun, after he had gotten awfully used to Daniel Choi.  _

_ His parents said that moving was good, that Yeonjun finally began behaving properly, maybe the new culture helped him get rid of his bad sides. The next time he brought someone home, /she/ was just about perfect for his parents. That kind of girl his mother and father thought of as the perfect step daughter, he had just turned 17 when they asked if he thought about marrying her.  _

_ One month later they broke up, and he never spoke with her again.  _

_ Then he turned 18, he decided that he wanted to pursue dancing or singing, become a choreographer maybe, he’d figure it out. It wasn’t the career path his parents expected from him, it wasn’t the lawyer or doctor or accountant they wanted from him. But he thought it would be okay, that they loved him enough to let him be who he was.  _

_ He stood with the train ticket ready in hand in the doorway, his father told him that if he went, it would be the last they ever saw of each other. Yeonjun had simply just looked him dead in the eye and walked out of the door. His mother looked sad when he left, but she never did anything.  _

_ They cut him off, he stopped talking to them, and they stopped talking to him.  _

He paused his storytelling to breathe, it felt like the first breath he had taken in minutes. He wondered if he should continue.

A featherlike kiss landed on the crown of his head, a hand caressed his cheek. 

He decided that he trusted Soobin enough to share the whole truth. 

“Uhm, so I moved to Seoul, and I couldn’t really make the money go around, I barely, barely lived paycheck to paycheck. I, obviously refused to contact them. I weren’t their son anymore. So I dropped out after the first semester.” 

Soobin thought to himself, that if he dropped out after his first semester, there was still a long gap in between that, and him meeting Beomgyu and moving in with him. 

“I met this guy, he was, really something. we got involved in stuf, that we shouldn't have. He involved me in stuff he shouldn’t have.”

_ “Try, it’s fine, it’s just us.” He handed Yeonjun a pink pill. _

_ Yeonjun had a hard time saying no, his usually confident self hadn’t been the same. He somehow trusted the other anyways, he was big and strong, he felt secure with the other. So he complied, took the pill and went with it.  _

_ In the beginning it was a first time thing really, then it happened more and more frequently. Yeonjun knew his boyfriend at the time was involved in shady stuff, but even despite that, when he one night had grabbed Yeonjun’s chin and asked- said; “baby, I know you need money, why don’t you start selling them with me?” he, for some reason said yes. Despite knowing, he was only digging his own grave. _

_ He was desperate, he needed money.  _

_ Even when they broke up he kept on going. He slept on couches from time to time with people he were more or less acquainted too for months, he dealt whatever people told him to deal, he earned money. He was also, surprisingly a really good runner, and a good fighter, so when people needed him? Well then they called him.  _

_ Everyday he could hear his mother’s voice in his ears, throwing out disappointing exclaims.  _

_ “Look at what you have become.” _

_ Look at what he had become. He was a bit scared of himself, scared of what he had become. Yet, he felt hopeless; he couldn't seem to find who he used to be anymore. _

_ “Little tail quivering, _

_ wrinkled snout thrusting up the mud; _

_ He will find God _

_ If he keeps on like that.”  _

_ One night, Yeonjun couldn’t recall what he had been doing before the call, but it was late, really. Closer to 2 or 3 am, he had just met up with a client and wandered the empty streets when his phone started ringing.  _

_ The number was unknown, his gut told him to not pick up, yet he did.  _

_ “Hello, is this Choi Yeonjun?”  _

_ “Who’s this?”  _

_ “It’s your father.”  _

_ He regretted picking up, but he couldn’t hang up. He froze up in the middle of the street. _

_ “What are you calling me for?”  _

_ “Your mother is dead. I have a letter for you. I need an address to send it to.”  _

_ “When?”  _

_ “3 months ago.”  _

_ It took Yeonjun’s father 3 months to call and tell him his mother had died. She had been buried privately, and her own son hadn’t even been notified that there was a service. Maybe if he had an apartment where they could send the invitiation, maybe if he had his life together. Maybe if his father loved him a little bit more.  _

_ Apparently her death hadn’t been sudden, she had wished for him to know sooner, but his father had refused. That Yeonjun would read the letter, was somewhat a deathwish for her. She didn’t explain much, nor did she ever apologize for anything, just simply explaining what was going on. And that she despite “everyone‘s small flaws” loved him.  _

_ “I love you son.  _

_ It is my turn to think of the past, the present and the future.  _

_ For me to say goodnight to the moon.” _

_ Was the last thing she had written, Yeonjun could barely remember her voice. _

_ The morning after he had read the letter, he woke up on a couch unknown to him. The apartment was large and looked expensive. He feared for a second what he had done. Out of one of the bedrooms a boy emerged, he was young, definitely younger than Yeonjun.  _

_ “Oh, you are awake.” His red was redder than anyone he had seen, he refused to look Yeonjun in the eyes, still he seemed, /nice/?.  _

_ “Yeonjun was it?”  _

_ Yeonjun nodded.  _

_ “I’m sorry I can’t rem-” he began. _

_ “Beomgyu. You can shower if you want.” The boy, Beomgyu, said before he could even finish. _

_ When he came out of the shower, Beomgyu sat him down by the kitchen table and began explaining what he had done the night before. That he had found Yeonjun crying on the curb outside a bar, with his knuckles bleeding, mumbling over and over again that he wanted to sleep, say ‘goodnight to the moon’. And that Beomgyu had offered his couch to him.  _

_ Yeonjun thanked him, thinking that he probably would never run into Beomgyu every again.  _

_ Two months later he moved in with Beomgyu, four months later he promised Beomgyu to get his life on track. Six months later he began university again.  _

_ He had his ups and downs, sometimes he disappeared for a week and came back black and blue, sometimes he stayed up three nights in a row and studied until his brain melted. He danced in the living room and cooked dinner for them everyday, sometimes he saw people in the bar and whispered to Beomgyu that “hey we should go, I fought with him once, he doesn’t like me.”  _

_ Yeonjun was, even to Beomgyu, much of a surprise.  _

“And then, uhm, it was one of those weeks, I met an old client and we went for each other’s throats, and his friends suddenly showed up. And I ran, sure I was a good runner and everything but I almost thought I would die. I just turned a corner and saw an empty store,” 

Yeonjun looked up at Soobin, the oldest eyes were slightly red, but he didn’t let the tears escape his eyes.

“Then I met you.” Yeonjun whispered, before burying his face in Soobin’s chest. 

Soobin’s heart was beating fast. Even more so when he felt Yeonjun’s shoulders move up and down, when he felt his chest become wet. 

“You don’t have to say anything,” Yeonjun mumbled, barely audible. “I just wanted to tell you…” 

Soobin didn’t have the heart to tell him that he was sorry, what would that even do? Yeonjun probably didn’t even want a sorry. Instead, Soobin also mumbled, into the jet black hair. 

“And then I met you too.” 

His heart sped up even more when he felt the other laugh slightly, Soobin’s arms instinctively hugged Yeonjun tighter, never intending to let go.

Soobin liked to express himself in words, through poems or lyrics or lines from books. They spoke to him, and he always wished he could share them with someone. 

He and Yeonjun had stayed awake for the whole night, decided to watch the sunrise, just the two of them. He had opened his bedroom window and sat upright in his bed, back against the headboard, Yeonjun resting in his lap. Trying, without making too much of a hassle, he reached for the leatherbound notebook on his floor, together with a pen. 

The sky outside turned pink and orange, the sun welcomed them after a dark night. 

With one hand he stroked Yeonjun’s hair, with the other, he opened the notebook, while he wrote it down, he read out loud. 

_ "just like how the land hardens after the rain, pain is only temporary.  _

_ someday you will meet someone who can make you happier.  _

_ that's the kind of love you deserve."  _

Soobin had met someone who made him happy, 

he hoped, sincerely that he made Yeonjun happier, it was the kind of love  _ he  _ deserved. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second poem is called "Little Pigs" and is by Evelyn Scott
> 
> "Poem" at the end is actually a line from Day6's song "Letting Go", really beautiful, stan Day6. 
> 
> Thank you for reading  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/hopeonmydick)


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